The Ass
by Daughter of the Black
Summary: Buffy House Post Chosen, Buffy moves to New Jersey, and just happens to live across from a certain doctor. You can imagine all the fun that is about to happen.
1. The Ass's Neighbor Meets the Best Friend

Disclaimer: I don't own House, or Buffy.

A/N: This is anywhere in S1, or S2 of House. Post Chosen for Buffy.

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Buffy yawned and got out of the bed she had just fallen into. She had lived in here exactly three weeks, and still didn't know her neighbor. She saw him once or twice, but with her hours, she didn't get much time to socialize. Now, apparently, someone was cursing him, and kicking his door.

Buffy swung her door open and saw a middle aged man with brown hair and tired eyes banging on the door. Buffy couldn't help but let out a giggle at the insults the man threw at the door.

The man froze and spun to look at her, he grimaced, "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

Buffy grinned, "You didn't, I hadn't fallen asleep yet. What did the door to piss you off?"

He sighed, "It's the doors owner that pissed me off. He turned off his phone, and he won't answer the door. His patient needs him at the hospital, but the **ass** won't come out!"

Buffy ran a hand through her hair, "Give me a minute. She slipped back into her apartment and came back with a few thin strips of metal. I'm Buffy, by the way. The Ass's neighbor."

The man snorted, "James, James Wilson. The Ass's best friend."

Buffy smirked, "For a minute there I thought you might go with Bond, glad you didn't, he kind of creeps me. Now, if you give me a second, I can get this door open."

Wilson watched in awe as the barely clad woman knelt before the lock and slid the metal in, gently manipulating the lock mechanisms, "You know how to pick locks?"

Buffy nodded, "Ex-boyfriend taught me one day, I got tired of him forgetting to unlock the door when he went for his shower," Buffy fibbed, not going to tell James the real reason Spike had taught her this little skill.

With an almost noiseless pop, the lock released, and Buffy straightened, "Tah-dah!"

James sighed, "Thank you so much. He walked into the apartment like she did into battle.

A swear came from within, "I thought I locked that door!"

Wilson's response was succinct, "You did."

"Then how the hell did you get in here?"

"You're neighbor is surprisingly helpful, you haven't managed to alienate her yet," Buffy could tell he was smiling rather evilly.

"Wilson! What the hell do you want?"

"Your patient is getting worse, House. You can't turn off your phone. Cameron, Chase, and Foreman are at a loss as to what to do."

House sighed and Buffy heard the thunk as he started to walk towards the door, "Alright, I'm going. I'm going to need you to do me a favor though. Get my "Helpful Neighbor" ready to go."

Wilson sighed, "What are you talking about?"

House rolled his eyes, giving his friend the 'how-dumb-are-you' look, "As good as Foreman is at breaking and entering, I think I ought to give this girl a chance, I mean, you're impressed with her. She must be good!"


	2. The Ass's Ride

Buffy could hear the muffled conversations across the hall, she glanced at the clock on the stove and grimaced, it was already four thirty in the morning, no sense in trying to get back to sleep now, she'd only regret it later.

Buffy smothered her laughter at a particularly loud expletive and grabbed the discarded leather pants from the back of the couch slipping them back on. Stripping off her silk camisole, she sauntered into her bedroom, picked up the cleanest top, A Dingoe's shirt Oz had mailed her three weeks back. She shook her head as she wandered back into her living room, tee in hand.

She leaned over her phone, looking at the incoming calls, she spun as she heard the door swing open, and The Ass stalked into her apartment.

Shirtless, Buffy scowled at her neighbor, she looked about to say something when he raised his hands in defense, "You're door was open," he said it like that explained it all, "besides, we're practically family! You break into my apartment, I get to see you naked, I've never felt closer to you. Really."

Buffy pulled the shirt over her head and smoothed it down, "Did you need something, or do you just enjoy being an ass?"

Wilson choked on a few words from the doorframe. House glared over his shoulder and jerked his head trying to convey a message. Turning back to his 'hostess', he smirked, "I'm just an ass, although, now that you mention it, there is something you could do for me. I stand corrected, not could, will. Seeing how as I'm nice enough not to press charges for breaking into my home."

"Really, well, that is awful nice of you, but here's the thing, as good as I am, and trust me, I'm good, I don't think even I could soften that temperament. Really, and I'm known for turning bad boys good," Buffy gave him an exaggerated pout, letting her shoulders drop and her head fall to one side.

Wilson snorted from the door, "Nothing can make him nicer, he's evil personified."

It was her turn to snort, "Evil? Him? Narcissistic he may be, evil, not so much. I've met evil, it wasn't this hot, if I'd known that evil came this good looking, I would have asked for a transfer a long time ago."

Wilson groaned, "I thought you were on my side! Now he'll be an egotistical bastard for weeks, even more if this patient lives."

House was rocking back and forth gleefully, almost like a child, "Did you hear that, she called me hot! And narcissistic, can I keep her Daddy? Please?"

A sharp beeping filled the silence, "My patient just went into cardiac arrest, can't those three do anything without me? Come on Princess, we have to go. If you're good, I'll have Chase go buy you a collar during lunch."

Wilson gulped, "Please, I'm begging you, he isn't mentally stable, I'm afraid of him!"

Buffy pulled her leather duster from the coat rack and slid it on, "Okay, lets go. And, don't think I'm going 'cause I'm afraid of you, I'm just bored."

Wilson rubbed his temples, following the pair out of the apartment, "I'm going home, House, try not to get her killed."

House gave him a look that clearly asked what he was talking about, "I'm very responsible, I would never do anything to endanger anyone. Girl scout's honor."

Buffy quirked an eyebrow but kept following him out to the curb, to a motorcycle, he got on and gestured for her to do the same. Swinging her leg over the seat, she settled behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

Just as he was about to start the bike, she grinned wickedly, "Girl scouts don't have honor. They're evil, how else do you think they do so well with those cookie sales."

She could feel him shaking with laughter, grinning triumphantly, Buffy enjoyed the ride. She guessed they were going to the hospital, which, albeit, still made her shudder, but this was just too delicious to miss.


	3. The Ass's Boss

Buffy got off the bike and brushed her hair away from her face, she waited patiently for House to get off and start walking. When he did, Buffy could have sworn that a maniacal grin was spreading across his features.

When the doors to the hospital hissed open, she noticed that his demeanor became guarded, he was planning something. She could sense it with every step he took, every eye movement, and every breath.

There were very few people in the lobby, a few nurses just getting in, some leaving, and a dark haired woman in a pleated skirt and lavender blouse. The woman was leaning over a folder that lay on the main desk.

House put his hand on the crook of Buffy's elbow and steered her swiftly to the elevators. The doors were open, and he ushered her inside, quickly pressing the buttons and turning to face his new partner in crime.

He was about to speak, but a deliberate tapping came from behind him, Buffy masked her amusement at his almost instant wince.

Slowly, almost as if he expected the noise to be a figment of his imagination, House turned around, he grimaced far more noticeably when he saw his shadow. His face pulled into a grin, a grin that showed the world that he was guilty of something, but was pretending to be innocent.

Her moth was tight, the edges turning white, "House."

"Cuddy," it sounded like a whine.

"Where have you been?"

"Home?"

"Who's she?"

House's grin faded, and then he smiled, almost convincingly, "She's my, personal assistant."

Cuddy's eyes widened, her head tilted to the side, a clear sign that she believed him as much as she did that pigs could fly, "Really, that is very mature of you, House. So----."

Buffy stuck her hand out, "Buffy, Buffy Summers."

"Ms. Summers, what did Greg hire you to do for him?"

Buffy smiled, playing the ditz, "Dr. House said I would be getting him his coffee, helping him relax, just taking care of him."

Cuddy frowned, "Okay, but that doesn't explain what you're doing here at this hour of the morning."

Buffy smiled again, "Oh, James-er, Dr. Wilson thought I would be a good buffer between Dr. House and patients."

House was staring in amazement, he had never seen anyone lie so convincingly, and he dealt with liars on a daily basis, "I told Wilson I didn't need a babysitter, but he wouldn't leave it alone, and then along comes Buffy."

Cuddy looked wigged, and she was silent until the elevator door opened and she fled the enclosed space, both could hear her muttering under her breath, "Those two give me the heebie-jeebies!"

Buffy and House looked at each other, identical smirks on their faces, both thinking the exact same thing,

This was going to be very fun.

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Originally I started this as a short, like a few chapters. But all your support and happy thoughts have turned this into a large thing. They will be short chapters like this, but it will be 15 to 20 chapters depending on the feedback. So please be supportive!


	4. The Ass's Team

Buffy toyed with the knife that was hidden in her coat pocket. The elevator ride seemed like forever. House was tapping his cane against his leg to the tune of twinkle twinkle little star, making Buffy giggle.

When the doors finally opened, Buffy followed House out, and to several glass rooms, Buffy stared at the structures, "Don't you ever feel like you're in zoo?"

House shrugged, "I like to think of the rest of the hospital as an ant farm. I even named some of them. My favorites are Busty, and Flinchy."

Buffy nodded her head, "Do they call you Master? Or are you their queen?"

House narrowed his eyes, "I'm the one with the whip," he said it hoping to make her squirm, but all she did was smile a secret smile.

"Hope you know how to use it."

House made a huffing noise before pushing the door open and intruding on his three subordinates, "I swear, you people are like babies, I can't leave you alone for even a second!"

House had taken her jacket, and he hung it up next to his, ready to have a little chaos. Buffy had followed him in, enjoying the show, until the blonde one spotted her, he cocked his head ever so slightly.

"Miss, this is a private office, the waiting room is just down the hall," his accent was clear as day.

Buffy strangled the cooing sound rising in her throat, "How long did it take you to find an Australian?"

House shrugged his shoulders and hobbled over to a white board, "Three and a half weeks."

Buffy pointed to Foreman, "Him?"

House let out a breath as he thought, "Two weeks."

"The girl?"

House smirked, "Three days, besides, it was between her and an overly sentimental man, I thought I would go with the lesser of two evils."

Cameron moved towards the younger woman, "Why don't I show you to the waiting room, maybe get someone to help you."

House rolled his eyes and lifted his hands up to the sky, "Leave her alone!"

Foreman stood up and walked towards the newcomer, "Why?"

House sighed with a hint of annoyance, "Stop circling like hyenas, she may bite, I haven't had her checked for rabies yet. Chase, go down to the local pet store and get her a collar and a tag, make sure it says Princess, and my information. Black collar, black leash, got it?"

Chase's mouth was open in astonishment, "She's a human being!"

House gave him a 'well-duh!' look before turning back to the white board, "Of course she's human, they frown upon actual animals being in the hospital. If you don't want to be fired, go do what I said!"

Chase sighed, "Whatever!"

Cameron and Foreman smothered their laughter, "Foreman, you take Princess there on a tour of the hospital. Make sure she knows where the pharmacy, Cuddy's office, The Clinic, and Wilson's office is."

Foreman looked at him like he was crazy, which he probably was.

Cameron's eyes were wide, "What about me?"

House put his chin in his hand as he settled into a chair, "I thought that would have been obvious," she just stared blankly at him, "Go take care of the patient."

She hurried out of her boss's sight, following Chase. Foreman just stood there, not wanting to do as he was told.

House shooed him with his hand, "Go! We still have a patient to cure, and I can't do that until all my people are back. Take care of my puppy, she means the world to me…really."

Foreman grabbed the girl by the wrist and stalked out of the office, dragging Princess, completely missing the smirks that Buffy and House exchanged.

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Thank you for all your support, I hope you enjoyed this, and more will come soon. I will tell you, that while Buffy is the slayer, vampires will not really have a big part with House and the gang. Spike and Angel will show up later in the story…just for a chapter or three. Hehe.

Hope you like it so far!


	5. Pegs

Foreman thought it was safe for him to let go of the girl when he rounded the corner, but when he kept walking, she just stood there and started back towards the office. Ignoring the looks he got, he jogged back to the girl and gripped her hand in his, he lead her like a child. Stopping outside an office door, he looked at her, "This is Dr. Wilson's office. He is one of the hospitals best oncologists."

Buffy didn't say anything. She just keened softly and looked back the way they had come.

Eric shook his head and kept moving, showing her the pharmacy, Cuddy's Office, and then the clinic which was already full, and House was scheduled to work in an hour and half.

Pulling the girl along, he forwent the elevator and took the stairs, stopping on the landing, he spun to face the girl, "Look, I'm not like the other two, I can see through House's bullshit. So whatever trick this is, it's not going to work on me. So just tell me your name."

Buffy tilted her head down, her gold locks shimmering. She edged forwards, inhaling deeply. She nuzzled his chest, pressing her body against his. She whimpered slightly, she had to suppress her laughter when his free hand came up to stroke her head and neck.

Standing on tiptoes, she whispered in his ear, "You want to see me mess with Chase, and Cameron? I could make him look like a fool. We could make him look like a fool. Isn't it time the pretty boy got taken down a peg or five?"

Drawing back, she pulled lightly against his grip, heading up the stairs, she saw him smirk lightly before following, a playful skip in his step.

When the pair returned to the office, House was sitting on the couch. His feet propped up, a book in hand, cane twirling from the other. Cameron was sitting at the table, a book open in front of her, she cast Foreman a questioning glance he just rolled his eyes in fake exasperation.

Buffy tugged from his grasp, which had loosened considerably from thirty minutes ago. She climbed onto the couch, covertly winking at Foreman, she stretched lightly before lying down on her side, her head coming to rest in House's lap. He lazily reached put his cane down and scratched behind her ear.

A content smile spread across her face, a happy noise issuing from her throat, House didn't stop, and when Chase walked in, paper bag in hand he stopped, a look of horror on his face, "I've obviously walked into the Twilight Zone."

Cameron looked like she agreed, her eyes betraying her, Foreman, however, was watching with loosely guarded humor, House ignored all three of his 'minions'.

Buffy's head lifted from its position, she slid off the couch like water, righting herself she slunk over to the blonde man. Lowering her lashes, she made her movements liquid, sensual, one hand trailed from the cuff of his shirt up his arms to the collar. She hadn't met his eyes, her fingers exploring him. She toyed with the buttons, easily undoing them, letting her fingertips meet hard, warm flesh. Stepping even closer, she tilted her head to look at him, pouting prettily.

Rubbing her cheek against the small bit of exposed flesh, Buffy rose to nuzzle his neck, hands firmly planted on his chest, she placed a few tiny kisses on his collarbone, feeling him gulp at their nearness.

House was stifling his laughter, this was better than television. Cameron sat there, mouth open, disbelieving eyes. Foreman was covering his slack face with a hand, ignoring the silent pleas of his co-worker.

Finally House stood up and walked over to the pair. He lifted his cane and lightly swatted her on the butt. Buffy whimpered and jumped, but didn't take her hands off Chase.

"Princess! Down girl, behave," House sighed and rolled his eyes, "See, this is why I need a leash for her. I can't have her sniffing after every guy who walks past."

Foreman shrugged his shoulders and nodded, "He's right you know, she was all over me, like a bitch in heat."

Cameron gave House and Foreman and outraged look, "She's right there, she can speak, and we've heard her do so!"

Chase nodded at this logic, "Where did you find her anyway?"

"Corner of fifth and third, Chase, put the collar on her, we need to go visit the patient, obviously he's lying about something!"

Chase threw Buffy an apologetic look before reaching in the bag and pulling out a black leather collar with silver spikes, and a silver nametag declaring "Princess". Tightening it around her neck, he felt her purr softly at their skin touching, much as he would like to deny it, it affected him.

Next he clipped a black leather leash on and hesitantly handed it to his boss.

House looked overly pleased, "Nice choice, Chase. I think it suits her, Foreman, what do you think?"

Foreman coughed, "It looks good. Oh, you have clinic duty in about an hour. Cuddy will be pissed if you're late."

House grinned territorially, a slight smirk longing to take its place, "Come on Princess, good girl. Let's go, Daddy has work to do."

Buffy rubbed up against House, letting him pull her along by the leash.

House's three "children" stared in shock, Foreman just a little less than the morally outraged Cameron, and the slightly turned on Chase.

Buffy and House traipsed through the hospital towards the patient's room, shrugging off the looks.

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Hey! I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Yes, Buffy will be exposed as a…human. Buffy and House and kind of Foreman are just enjoying this. I think in maybe two chapters it will be done with.

This is just some of the excess fluff floating around…especially the collar because of Chase's little bondage thing.

I've been really sick…or whatever. You know, dizzy, fainting, exhaustion. Reviews make me feel a bit more awake, so help me get better!


	6. The Ass's Patient

As Buffy and House passed Wilson's empty office, they slipped inside, House tugging gently on the leash. Inside he burst out laughing, picking up one of the glass doodads on his friend's desk.

"That was inspired, I was going to suggest messing with Chase, but that was perfect timing! How much longer do you think we can pull this off?"

Buffy leaned against the door, "Beats me, Foreman already has a hint that I'm messing with them, but, he wants to see Chase and Cameron screwed with…and I'm just realizing how awkward that sounded."

House rubbed a hand over his face, "I don't get it though."

Buffy pushed off the door, "Get what?"

"We're complete strangers basically, why did you come with, and don't give me the 'I was bored' shit."

"My life has never been peaches and cream. All of the men in my life have stabbed me in the back at one time or another. Some of them work back into my good graces, others don't. I figured, I have nothing better to do, why not have a little fun."

House stared at her, "Don't you work? Better yet, weren't you afraid I was going to do naughty things to you?"

Buffy shrugged her shoulders, "My job, is basically sitting on my ass, so I travel, and as to the other thing, I know at least fifteen ways to kill you without leaving a mark."

House shuddered lightly at the cheerful grin she gave, "Right, well, uh, we need to go talk to the patient."

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House tore the sliding door open and stepped in, Buffy followed obediently, "So, what is on the menu today? Mmm, flushed skin, fast heartbeat, sweating, a drop in blood pressure."

Buffy moved towards the bed, a 40 year old man lay on it, staring blankly at the ceiling, she whimpered and tilted her head at him.

House groaned and pulled the leash, "Behave," turning to the patient, he gave him an exasperated look, "She's frisky. I had to pull her off my colleague today because Princess here was humping him."

The man looked between Buffy and House, "I think I'm hallucinating, I could swear you have a woman on a leash."

House looked at the man's chart, "Nope, I do have a girl on a leash. You however, have been stressed lately."

The man shook his head, even though it wasn't a question, "No, I'm doing well with my job, the family is great, I'm fine."

Buffy whimpered and looked at the vacant chairs, House nodded at her reasoning, "Princess wants to know why your family isn't here, if everything is alright."

The man sighed, "My wife and I got divorced three months ago, we get along, but she doesn't want the kids around me right now. I'm living in an apartment by myself."

House clenched his teeth and looked at the man, "I don't suppose you wrote your address on the admissions papers?"

The man nodded, and House was limping out of the room, Buffy easily keeping pace.

House was ransacking his office, looking for the file, "Go get Foreman, tell him to look up the history of the building, anything weird."

House reached towards her neck to unclip her from the leash, Buffy walked through the door into the center of operations. Foreman was sitting with his head down, the other two were volleying ideas back and forth. Buffy tugged on Eric's coat sleeve, he looked up and a slight sparkle came into his eyes. Getting up he followed her out into the hall.

Buffy led him a bit farther, out of the view of Chase and Cameron, "The Ass wants you to look up the history of the guys apartment building."

"But he has a family, he said he lives in one of the new developments," Foreman exclaimed, "He lied."

Buffy nodded, "Now, I need to make sure that Mr. Broody isn't late for work."

Foreman gave her a pitying glance before jogging off down the hall.

Buffy went back to the office, throwing Chase a heated glance before going back to House.

House was throwing a ball against the wall, "Did you want to play fetch?"

He shook his head, "Cuddy just called."

Buffy quirked an eyebrow, "And?"

"My ex-girlfriend is stopping by, and I have to teach a seminar…five more signs of the apocalypse left to go."

Buffy snorted and pretty soon House joined her, laughter echoing off the walls.

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This wasn't my favorite chapter to write, but I thought I should use to explain why Buffy acts the way she does. I will explain more about how she has changed in later chapters. This was also the last really OOC chapter for Buffy. Hehe.


	7. The Ass's Duty

While House had never put the leash back on, Buffy had decided to keep the collar on, enjoying being something she wasn't allowed to be. She felt freer than she had in years, almost like she had when it had been her and Faith, together, powerful.

Keeping in step with House, they walked through the glass doors to the clinic, "Hello, New Jersey! Dr. House checking in, eight O'clock."

The nurse at the check in table stared at him, "Got it."

He didn't notice her pick up the phone and hurriedly dial a number.

Taking a chart, he handed it to Buffy. She rolled her eyes and read the name, "Jake Mathers."

The man likely in his early twenties stood up and followed Buffy and House into the examination room. He sat awkwardly down on the table, House glanced at him and sighed, "So, Mr. Mathers, what brings you here today."

Jake squinted at the nametag house had attached to his pants pocket, "Dr. House, uh, does she need to be here?"

"Miss Summers is here to make sure I don't kill anyone, and they don't kill me. If you're that embarrassed, just imagine her in her underwear."

He looked incredulous before Buffy gave him a kind smile, "I was in the shower last night, and I noticed this rash on my butt."

House's eyes widened and he sighed, obviously trying to decide the best way to get out of it, "Turn around, and drop your pants."

Jake braced himself on the table, bending forward, and lowering his jeans and boxers, House grimaced. Throwing Buffy a glance, he saw her smirking. Snapping his rubber gloves on, he leaned in closer to get a better look.

Jake twisted his head to try to talk to House, "I've been taking this new medicine, and I thought maybe I had a reaction to it."

Pulling back, House wrote something on the chart, "Here's a tip Johnny, next time you can't keep it in your pants, find a bed."

Jake straightened and pulled his pants up as House walked out of the room, "What's wrong with me?"

Buffy gave him a pitying look, "What the good doctor was trying to say was, you have carpet burn. Unless you're half dog, you were having sex."

She stalked out of the room, her humor barely contained; House was leaning on the wall, "How did you know that was carpet burn?"

Buffy shrugged, "There was an incident with rug a year or two ago."

House's eyes got wider, and the Rubick's cube that was Buffy Summers got more complex.

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When they reached the waiting room, House winced and tried to turn back around, but a sharp voice calling him made him stop, "House!"

Spinning, he fixed a cheeky grin on his face, "Yes, Mommy?"

Cuddy frowned, "You can imagine how surprised I was to get a call that I needed to come down to the clinic, that it was an emergency," her face broke into a smile, "You were on time! Miss Summers, I am in debt to you. No one has been able to get House to be punctual…ever. Stacy told me he was even late to their wedding."

Cuddy scampered over to Buffy and wrapped her in a hug, Buffy cast House a scared glance before gently patting the older woman on the back.

Pulling back Cuddy grinned ecstatically, "You're a miracle worker. If you keep showing up on time, I'll cut back on your clinic hours."

House looked at her, skeptically before he spoke, "Deal. Next patient!"

Cuddy gave Buffy one more enthusiastic squeeze before she ran off to her office.

Buffy turned to House, "She's really scary."

House nodded his head, "You think this is bad, just wait until Christmas time, it's like they inject her with sugar instead of botox."

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Okay, this is the start of Buffy returning from her OOC moment. Sorry I put some of you off with the OOC bits, but I was suffering from serious lack of blood in brain issues, so I'm not really to blame! I'm am so thankful for all the reviews, they keep me writing…really, it's like adrenaline. Except I'm not an adrenaline junkie…I'm a review junkie.

I fixed the House Stacy being married thing-yeah so.


	8. The Ass and Co Learn of B&E

Buffy yawned and sat down at the table as the four doctors discussed their patient, it had only been one day, one day of playing games with Gregory House, and she was nearing exhaustion.

A knock came at the door, and there stood Wilson, "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted me to drive Buffy home?"

House ran a hand through his hair before nodding, "Yeah, when she regains consciousness, tell her to meet at this address tomorrow morning at nine." House handed him a piece of paper and her coat.

Chase, Foreman, and Cameron watched as James Wilson gently roused the girl and helped her out of the office.

Foreman snorted, "Buffy? That's her name? That explains a lot about her."

Cameron hit his arm, "It does not!"

"I have to agree with Foreman on this one, what girl wouldn't be twisted with that name."

House dropped a heavy book on the table between the trio, they gave a start, "Glad I have your attention. I want Chase on the first watch, Cameron the second, and Foreman can take the third. I'm having Wilson watch over the patient tomorrow morning. All three of you are to be at the guy's apartment. Nine sharp got it."

Chase snickered, "Why do we have to go, we all know Foreman is better at that sort of thing than the rest of us."

"I seem to have been remiss in your tutelage. Tomorrow all three of you get a lesson in assessing someone's home. Now, if you three are done bickering, I'll be in the maternity lounge."

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Buffy was leaning against the wall outside the patient's door. She was wearing a black asymmetrical dress with heels. Her hair was coiffed, and she had a cup of coffee in hand. Foreman, Chase, and Cameron all arrived at the same time. They were talking about House's latest crazy action, being Buffy.

Chase spotted her first, stopping and clearing his throat to get his colleagues attention.

Cameron rushed up to Buffy, "Hi, we didn't really get to meet yesterday. I'm Allison Cameron."

Buffy smiled politely, "Buffy Summers."

Chase raised his arms up, "She speaks—it's a miracle."

Foreman smothered his laughter with his hand, "Yeah, what did you think, she was selectively mute?"

Chase ignored him, "Why are you here?"

Buffy pushed her hair behind her ear, "Obviously for the same reason you are."

Foreman quirked an eyebrow, "But we're here to break and enter."

Buffy nodded her head, surprised at their slow comprehension, "Yeah."

"You wore _that_ to break into someone's apartment?!" Chase asked incredulously.

"No," Buffy took a sip of her coffee, "I have a lunch meeting today."

All three stared at her, Cameron smiled softly, "Uh, what do you do?"

"I'm the CEO of a corporation based in London, but we have branches in almost every country. We have several here in the U.S. alone," Buffy explained.

"You know, Chase here is the ritzy boy," Foreman decided to help.

"I am not! I work hard for my money! Buffy, what does your, uh, corporation do?"

Buffy shrugged her shoulders, "The biggest part of the company is a school, then we have a huge archive, antiquities, and we're working on some classified government things, research you know."

"My baby boomer isn't she just so cute, too cute to be a CEO," House came limping up the corridor.

Chase looked at his boss, "So are you going to explain why all three of us are here, and why is she here?"

House rolled his eyes at the blonde, "I thought that was obvious, she's my assistant, and she's replacing Foreman."

Foreman looked confused and a little outraged, "What are you talking about. You can't tell me she's a neurologist!"

Buffy huffed indignantly, "Please, I run a multi-million dollar company, and I think fast on my feet."

Chase and Cameron watched Foreman change colors, metaphorically at least.

House let out a breath, "She's not a doctor, so far as I know. She is however, better than the black guy. Go ahead. Show them your special skill."

Buffy rolled her eyes and produced the metal strips, seemingly from nowhere, "Watch and learn."

Cameron stared horrified, "House, this is so unethical. We shouldn't even be here, this is against the law!"

"Do you want to save this guys life?" House asked her, she locked her jaw.

Crouching in front of the lock, Buffy gently inserted and teased the lock until it popped open, "As I like to say, Open Sesame."

She swung the door open and walked inside, enjoying the shocked looks coming from Chase, Foreman, and Cameron.

Chase smirked at Allison, "Looks like girls aren't all that innocent, huh Cameron."

Foreman laughed, "He's got you there. Buffy, where'd you learn to pick locks?"

She spun to face him, "Didn't you know, I have bad taste men."

House bit his tongue and maintained his stoic face, but just barely.

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Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I live on reviews like vamps on blood, and House on puzzles. So if you want more…review. I'm not above withholding this story…really I'm that evil!


	9. The Ass Invades Personal Space

Buffy handed House a bag of popcorn, "Seriously, though, they scare me."

House snorted, "The poor little slayer scared of a bunch of anonymous drones? Come on, Cuddy's more terrifying than them!"

"Errr, okay, they're like drug addicts!"

House quirked an eyebrow, "Drug addict? What is this, and intervention?"

Buffy gulped, "This story is like vicodin to them."

"Hey! Where did I put my vicodin?"

Buffy looked away, "I dunno. What I'm trying to say, is that compared to them, you aren't an addict."

House smiles, "I've been saying that for years. You'd think that they would get it. I.Am.Not.A.Drug.Addict!"

Buffy smiles indulgently, "Of course you aren't. Now, can we agree that they scare us, and we should probably hide before they get mad because the story hasn't started, and they come for us with pitchforks and torches."

House looked thoughtful, "Couldn't we just throw Cuddy at them?"

Buffy glared at him, "No! Now come on!"

On With The Story

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Buffy walked into the man's apartment, her eyes assessing the room as she would any scene of a crime. Mail unopened, dishes in sink, clean laundry, a few pictures, "This is almost as bad as the place I lived in L.A."

"When did you live in Los Angeles," Chase asked her, coming to stand next to her.

"When I was 17," Buffy's face fell a little at the memory.

The door slammed shut, and Buffy rolled her eyes at Greg's theatrics, "Okay people, let's get on with it. Start invading privacy…you know, dig through drawers, look under the bed."

Buffy moved through the apartment, ignoring the other four, sitting down on the single bed in the other room, she stared at the wall, "This is silly," she said to herself.

Wiping a tear away, she shoved back the homesickness that was creeping up on her. Dawn had yelled at her before she had moved, one of the new slayers had made a mistake on patrol and Buffy hadn't been there to save her. Willow had dived into magic, and when Buffy spoke of her concern, the witch had cussed her out. Faith was trying to adjust to being in charge of training, and didn't seem to have the time to do much else. Xander had jetted off to god only knows where to find the slayers. Giles, oh, Giles, he was busy building everything back up to listen to Buffy, she didn't want to be the face of the Watcher's Council, far from. But he had ignored her pleas to get away, to live life. He had given her the "Duty" speech.

Shaking her head, she rose and began to look the room over again. She smiled with satisfaction as she spotted the prize on his nightstand, "Why would a man who doesn't have a history of asthma have a bunch of empty inhalers?"

Picking them up with her free hand she moved back to the main room, dropping the objects in House's lap as he sat, reading the man's mail.

Cameron looked up from the refrigerator, "Why aren't you wearing gloves? You could get sick."

Buffy shrugged her shoulders, "I don't get sick easily."

Foreman walked over to her, "What did you find?"

Chase put the vent cover on and jumped down off the chair, "You found something, because I have nothing."

Cameron nodded her agreement, "No molds, no medicines, nothing."

House looked at his team. he had finished inspecting Buffy's cache, "That's where you're wrong. What is this," he asked, holding up one of the inhalers.

Foreman quirked an eyebrow clearly, wondering if House was serious, before he answered "An inhaler?"

House scrunched up his brow and made a clucking sound, "You don't sound so sure. Chase?"

"It's an asthma inhaler."

"The patient doesn't have a history of asthma, or anything else that would indicate he would be using an inhaler," Cameron pointed out.

Foreman took the inhaler from his boss, "This is expired."

House gave him a look, "And?"

Buffy raised her hand, "Oh, I know this one. It's prescribed for his kid."

"Ding ding ding. So what does that mean, either Daddy wanted to get high, or he really needed it," House said, the puzzle pieces starting to fall together.

Cameron picked up her things, "So we should head to the hospital?"

House locked his fingers in front of his face, "Yeah, I'll be there in a little while."

Foreman looked at him, "What are you going to do?"

"I was going to go through the guys stuff a little more," at his team's looks, he shrugged his shoulders, "So sue me…I'm a jerk."

Cameron let out a disgusted breath and stalked out of the apartment, Chase, and Foreman following her.

Buffy sat down next to him, "So, you figure it out yet?"

House sighed, "No."

Buffy smiled brightly, "Don't worry. It's not the end of the world…yet."

House looked over at her, "What do you mean "yet"?"

"The end of the world is usually scheduled for May," Buffy said simply, as if that explained it all.

"Oh," was all House said.

Buffy held back the laughter at the joke that this man didn't yet understand, silently wishing that maybe, maybe one day he would.

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Yay, we are almost to the end of this patient's case. This is also an explanation of how Buffy came to live in New Jersey, and why she kind of acts the way she does.

Reviews help me to….ah….just gimme more reviews and I won't go all homicidal….maybe….probably. Hopefully?


	10. The Ass is Right

Buffy whimpered, finally, home! The lunch meeting had been worse than she had expected, the stupid guy had gone on and on about the honor of having met her, and then he asked why she didn't have a watcher to lead her. She had to resist having to deck the guy. Now that she was home, she just wanted to be somewhere the attention wasn't always on her.

Taking off her coat and putting the leftovers in the fridge she sat down in the dark apartment, it was still early in the afternoon, but a huge storm had come in. The day was dark, and the ground sodden from the rain, this morning's bright prospects had come to naught.

The phone rang, but she couldn't be bothered to pick up, she let the message play, "Buffy, it's me, House. Come on to the hospital, I need someone to bounce ideas off of. My _team_ seems to be going brain dead."

Sighing, she changed clothes, putting something more appropriate on, a pair of jeans, a black camisole, and a huge black sweatshirt with "Bite Me" written in silver across the back. Pulling her hair up into a bun, she called a cab company and pulled the hood over her head. Grabbing her daggers, she headed out the door.

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By the time she had arrived at the hospital, it was pouring, and the streets were filled with people trying to get home. Dashing into the lobby, she put her hood down and got into the elevator.

She walked into Wilson's office and sat down, when he looked up from what he was reading he nearly screamed, "Holy crap, we should get you a bell. Is there something you needed?"

Buffy smiled, "Well, we both know House is going to solve this case today. Tomorrow, he won't expect to be taken down a peg…or five."

Wilson slowly looked up at her, a smile spreading evilly across his face, "What did you have in mind?"

"Well…"

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Buffy smiled happily as she left Wilson's office, she could still hear him chuckling at their little plan. Marching into the Team's room, she smiled brightly, "So, your lackey's are brain dead, and you were tired of bouncing ideas off the cardboard cutouts of ER docs?"

Foreman laughed under his breath, Cameron's eyes narrowed slightly, and Chase just stared.

House looked up from his nearly black whiteboard. None of the men could help but appreciate how the beautiful woman seemed more at home in the dark than in the sun.

House gave a grunt, Buffy whistled, "Cave House, that's a new one."

Stepping up to the board, she erased everything on it to the shock of everyone.

Cameron stood up, "What are you doing?"

Buffy rolled her eyes and picked up the marker, "Starting from the beginning. What are his symptoms?"

They all glanced at House for confirmation to do as she said, he just sat down and twirled his cane, deep in thought.

Cameron sighed, "He was complaining about stomach pains."

Chase let his arms fall onto the table, "The inhalers."

Buffy turned to face him, "That isn't a symptom. What could warrant the use of inhalers?"

Foreman tapped his pen against the table, "Asthma, but he doesn't have record of it. Shortness of breath?"

Chase looked down at his notes, "His blood pressure is a little low, and his heart rate is higher than it should be."

Allison closed her eyes, "Flushed skin, sweating. There was a spike in his serotonin levels."

Buffy nodded and stepped away from the board, "Connect these."

Listed on the board were the pieces to the puzzle.

Sweating.

Blood Pressure.

Heart Rate.

Abdominal Pain.

Flushed Skin.

Wheezing.

Serotonin.

House looked at it, seeming to stare through it, an exasperated sigh came from his lips, "Of course! It's a tumor. A carcinoid tumor. It explains everything…well everything except why Daddy didn't just go to the doctor instead of stealing little Tommy's puffer."

Foreman looked down, "The tumor would cause the serotonin levels, and if it was serious everything else, but the tumor could be anywhere."

The spark in House's eyes glittered, "Not everywhere. Check his small intestine. That's where it will be!"

The three went running from the room, leaving Buffy and House all alone. Moving towards the window, House looked out into the pitch black, "Thank you."

Buffy shrugged, "You would have gotten it yourself. I learned the hard way that sometimes things don't add up until you go back to the beginning. You had half the puzzle, and the rest of it wouldn't fit until went to square one."

House nodded noncommittally, "How good are you at telling people they're going to die?"

Buffy moved to stand next to him, "Unfortunately, damn good."

House looked at the blonde woman, seeing for the first time just how old her eyes were. He was about to say something to her, but Cameron, Chase, and Foreman returned.

Foreman sat down, "You were right. It's a tumor. We booked an O.R. for him, and he should be discharged in a few days."

Neither Buffy nor House had moved, Cameron looked at them, they seemed almost unhappy in the triumph, "Isn't that good news?"

"Yeah, great news," House said.

Buffy turned, a sad smile on her face, "Living is good news…"

Chase sat down, "So, are you sticking around, Buffy?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "It all depends."

House brushed past her towards the coffee pot, "She's staying, if I have to strap her to a gurney and cripple her, I'll do it."

His subordinates' eyes widened at the level of seriousness in his voice.

Buffy just laughed, "I don't think it will take quite that much. Maybe just handcuffs."

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Sorry for the seriousness of this. I hate myself for it. Something got into me, and I'm looking into exorcisms as we speak. Please review. We have about nineteen more chapters to go…hehe.


	11. The Ass Has Some Fun

Cameron sat across from Buffy in the cafeteria, the blonde was concentrating on the coffee cup in her hand. It was early, just before seven, Allison looked at the young woman, she looked beaten, that tiny spark of life flickering dangerously.

Clearing her throat she smiled as Buffy looked up, "Hey."

"Hi," the younger woman responded.

An awkward silence descended, and Cameron swallowed, "What you did, yesterday, how did you know that we were stuck. You probably saved his life."

Buffy shrugged, "A little birdie whispered in my ear, that and House left me a message. You would have gotten it eventually, I just know what it's like to be alone, and have to solve the problem. This guy, I used to think of him as my father, he taught me almost everything I know about problem solving. I'm good in the heat of the moment, but shove me in the middle of a research session and I spend the whole time looking at pictures because I don't know what I'm looking for. Sometime the beginning is really the answer to the ending."

"That makes sense, I guess," Cameron stared at her for a moment before looking down, "You seem so old for your age."

The slayer shrugged, "I grew up fast destiny is a funny little thing."

Cameron quirked her eyes in question but got no response, the newcomer to the group rose and walked out of the cafeteria.

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Wilson locked the door to his office, Buffy was sitting on his desk, several buckets at her feet, "Is the target here?"

Wilson grinned, "Popping vicodin and all. Operation Wet is a go."

Buffy snorted, "He is so going to kill you."

"Me! What about you?"

Buffy shrugged, "Virtue, it's all about virtue. Your sacrifice is for the good of the public…namely me. It is a good way to die."

Wilson folded his arms across his chest, "And what if I sacrifice you?"

"That would be a bad choice," Buffy smirked, "I'm like an army of one, only fools think they can win against me."

James rolled his eyes, "Oh, oh, there he goes, he's on the balcony!"

Buffy tossed him something, he caught it with just a bit of fumbling, "Your aim better be damn good."

Wilson walked onto his balcony, keeping his hands out of view, "House."

"Wilson," House said with a little smirk.

"You seem awfully chipper today."

"Must be the vicodin, they really are daddy's little helpers."

Wilson raised his eyebrows, "Oh, I thought it might have something to do with a certain blonde."

House turned to go back inside, his eyes narrowed, "I have no idea what you're blathering about."

Wilson sent a silent prayer up, and lobbed the water balloon at his friend, it hit him squarely below the belt buckle. House looked up at him and glared, "Now its on, it is so on."  
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House limped down the hall, he pushed the door to the clinic open and marched up to the desk, ignoring the snickering, "Hi, yeah, can I get, mm, like a hundred condoms."

The nurse looked at him then down, House rolled his eyes, "I can't keep it in my pants, okay?"

One of the young guys in the waiting room started snickering, "What happened, wet yourself?"

The nurse just handed him the condoms and turned away, not wanting to know any more than she already did.

House grabbed the box and gave the kid a real smart ass look before stage whispering, "At least I haven't rubbed myself raw."

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House stalked into the bathroom, "its payback time."

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When he returned to his office, he had a baby cradle filled with water balloon condoms, rechecking that the blanket was covering them he grinned, "I knew the extra large were the way to go. Come on kids, Daddy has some things to do."

Wheeling his precious cargo out onto his balcony, he noted that Buffy and Wilson were sitting on chairs on the other side of the wall. Smiling grimly he pulled out a balloon and slammed it onto the ground at their feet, effectively silencing their conversation.

Grinning wickedly, he threw one after another until both were soaked, and House was grinning triumphantly.

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest, "Were those condoms?"

Wilson inspected at piece of rubber that had landed on his shoulder, "I think so, I just hope that they were new."

Buffy shuddered, "Thank you for that, as if I wasn't disgusted already," she glared at her new friend.

He just shrugged his shoulders innocently, "If it makes you feel better, everyone thought I wet my pants."

Buffy and Wilson turned to each other and high fived, "It really does," she said.

House frowned, "It wasn't supposed to."

The sliding door slammed open and Chase, Cameron, and Foreman walked outside.

Chase stared at the three who looked a bit wet, "What happened out here…uh, House, I think you uh…"

House glared at him, "I did not pee my pants!"

Cameron looked around, "I don't really want to know what happened, do i?"

Buffy, Wilson and House shook their heads.

Foreman picked up a broken piece of rubber, "What is this?"

House shrugged, "Condom, I thought you would have known that."

A look of revulsion flashed over Eric's face, he dropped the condom in disgust and backed away, "I need to go boil my hands."

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Hey, I know, that was really dirty…okay, not even remotely dirty for me. Sorry if I grossed anyone out, it was unintentional, okay, that is a lie. But I hope you enjoyed it…next we have….The Seminar, and maybe a bit of Stacy. Mwhaha…the seminar is about…mmm, not telling.


	12. The Ass Has A Seminar

This is the big chapter….EEE! hope you all enjoy…not for the weak of heart. Oh, and don't read in public if you can't control yourself…I find it flattering…really!

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"Nah," Buffy said as she tossed the rubber band ball across the desk at her 'boss', "I can't see it."

"Oh, come on. You would rather jump off this building than procreate to save the human race?!" House frowned, tapping his foot to a song only he could hear.

"I've known you for all of three days, and I doubt that the human race will die out today. Okay, would you rather…kiss chase or kiss Wilson?"

House scowled at the young woman, "I think that is less about me and more about you. Admit it, you think that Chase is just so cute in those little scrubs."

Buffy held back her laughter and playfully licked her lips, "Damn, you caught me. Admittedly, he wouldn't be my first blonde, though he is a bit to clean cut. Nah, I like my boys tall, dark, handsome, and little bit broody."

House wiggled his eyebrows as he tossed the ball into the trashcan across the room, "And I'm back in the game!"

Buffy's laughter was cut short when the door opened and a disapproving cough came from that direction, "Am I interrupting something?"

She could see Greg's grimace, "Uh, yeah, we were just about to get down, so if you would…and don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. The smudges are hell to get rid of."

Buffy laughed, "You must be…Lacey? Oh, I know this…"

Stacy's frown deepened at the obvious disrespect, "Its Stacy. Lisa said you were a personal assistant?"

Buffy stood up, returning to playing her part, "Well, I certainly could never be a lawyer, they'll eat you alive, trust me I've seen it happen."

Stacy gave a tight grin, "Well, I'm sure you'll do wonderful things with your life."

Greg stood up, running a hand through his hair, "You should ask her what she does on her free time, really! She's heartless, well not as heartless as you, of course."

"Charming as always, Greg," she said to her ex.

"So what is the wicked witch of the west doing here, oops, I mean what are you doing here…Lacy," House smirked as he headed for the door, grabbing Buffy's hand and pulling her up as he went.

Buffy frowned at him, "Mmm, I was comfortable, you better start groveling."

House winked at her in a very Spike-esque manner and slapped her ass, "Don't worry, I'll make sure to give you a very thorough exam."

She couldn't see Stacy, but she could feel the glare, "But Doctor, I didn't study," was all she got out before she was dragged out of the room and down the hall.

House was snickering and Buffy grinned, he squeezed her hand before stopping her and spinning her around to face him. Buffy just swallowed, not sure what was happening, before she could speak, House's arm was firmly around her waist, pulling her flush with him. His eyes sparkled right before he leaned down and caught her lips with his, she gasped, both with surprise and the dull throbbing desire.

She whimpered and arched into him, she could feel him smiling against her mouth, and before he pulled away, she felt just the barest hint of his fingers digging into her hip. She panted when they pulled apart, House kept his arm around her waist as they rounded the corner. She frowned and slipped out of his grasp, swiping his cane she skipped out of his reach, twirling his cane.

"So," Buffy grinned, "That was equal parts of making Stacy jealous, and lust, right?"

House narrowed his eyes and he looked like he was trying to figure out the answer to the universe, "Guess we'll never know."

Buffy stuck her tongue out, "Not the right answer," she sang.

House contemplated walking towards her but didn't want to let her see his weakness, "If you're a good girl, I'll tell you later. Now we have to go jump through a hoop."

Buffy bit her lip and finally relented, handing him his cane she linked arms with his, "Where to?"

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Lisa stood in front of the curtain, "Welcome, some of you are students, some are here by invitation, don't look proud about that Dr. Gery, anyway, today will be a seminar in two parts. May I present Dr. Gregory House and his…assistant, Buffy Summers."

With that she stepped aside and the curtain in the auditorium rose to show a gurney with Buffy and House sitting next to it.

House stared at his audience, "Right, so for all of you who've never seen one of these, this is real human woman. Now on with the show, Ms. Summers, if you would…"

Buffy hopped up onto the bed, smiling brightly, "What's the what?"

House coughed, "Lesson the first: Never insult the patient's name. What the hell kind of name is Buffy!"

Buffy scowled and flicked his nose, "Jerk, I want a different doctor!"

House rolled his eyes, "Can anyone tell me another thing you shouldn't do?"

Foreman hit Chase and Cameron who sat next to him, slinking down in his seat he spoke up, "Mocking the patient!"

House snorted, "We'll go with the black guy's. Ms. Summers do you're here because you think you might be pregnant?"

Buffy hid her head, "My boyfriend touched me…uh, down there."

House squeezed her knee, trying to keep his hysteria under control, "So you couldn't keep it in your pants."

Buffy shook her head, "My pants were on."

House rubbed his neck, "Okay, let's try this another way. What exactly happened? Besides your mother obviously being a moronic prude."

"He rubbed himself against me, and he…"

House rolled his eyes at the audience, "He ejaculated?"

She nodded.

House yawned, "As long as he didn't stick it anywhere, you aren't pregnant."

"But Mom said—"

House started moving his hand in a talking motion, "Go home, maybe buy a kama sutra book on the way, oh, and when 'Mommy' says storks bring the babies, tell her she's an idiot."

A few chuckles resounded in the auditorium, House cocked his head to the side and bared his teeth in a grimace, "One last one before we take a break, I'll need a volunteer from the audience, you sir?"

Wilson grudgingly walked up to House, "This better not be a trick."

House grinned innocently, "Never. So Dr. Wilson, thanks for the consult."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "Sure. Why do you need an oncologist?"

House looked between him and Buffy, "Have you seen her?"

"Yes," James admitted.

"And?"

"She's pretty, is that what you needed?"

House nodded, "Great rack don't you think?"

James sighed, "She has a great rack, her ass is gorgeous, and yes, she looks like a supermodel. Yes I would hypothetically sleep with her."

The room was silent, Buffy just looked amused, and House looked shocked, "I would never ask that, how could you even think that! She's right here you know!"

Wilson looked like he was under a magnifying glass at high noon.

House grinned and helped Buffy down off the table, a smirk thrown in Stacy and Cuddy's direction, "We'll be back, possible before one. So, how comfortable are you with me?"

Buffy shrugged her shoulders, "Why do I have a feeling that any answer I give won't help me."

Greg chuckled and led her down to the cafeteria.

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Waves from behind rock, sorry it took so long, I have been trying to get more into this, hope you all enjoyed this. I hope you all enjoyed the first kiss, not of course, the last. I am currently watching a Stacy episode, and no, I do not hate her, I just don't think that she can get along with Buffy in this story. I made some fanart to go along with the story, so check that out, ( I live for support, so please review.


	13. The Ass Has A Seminar Part Two

Buffy leaned on the hospital bed, the audience was filing back in, and House was tossing his container of vicodin back and forth, "Okay, welcome back, now this time we'll be discussing sexual harassment."

Someone, probably Chase broke the silence was uncontrolled laughter, "Oh the irony!"

House rolled his eyes, "That's what I said!"

Buffy grinned, "Am I the only one here who hasn't been accused of sexual harassment…."

Cuddy looked at her from her seat and smiled, "In all likelihood, yes."

Buffy perked up and clapped her hands, "Yippee!"

House quirked an eyebrow at her and asked, "Have you ever been sexually harassed?"

She shrugged, "Well, there was that one time with the swim team…" she trailed off, "not that you need to know that."

House choked, "Right, so when a patient comes in with a cough, what aren't supposed to do."

One of students who was a real playboy smartass raised his hand, Buffy shrugged, "You there, the one who has obviously never had a real relationship."

The muscles' in House's neck corded as he grinned maliciously, "I agree, that's a good diagnosis."

The man who had been singled out blushed a bit but spoke, "Ask them to take their shirts."

House's face took on a look of mock shock, "You mean we aren't supposed to do that? Uh-oh, I'm in a bit of trouble then," he stage whispered the last part to Buffy.

She breathed out and patted him on the back, "That's almost as bad as the ER doc that felt me up when I came in with a broken wrist. 'Can't get a pulse' my ass."

House snorted, "Okay, never date a co-worker. It will end badly."

"Oh I know this one! I dated my…co-worker, long story short, he turned into an evil, soulless bastard who tried to drive me crazy by killing my friends because he thought it would make me love him," Buffy said matter-of-factly.

Eyes widened in the audience and House again looked at her like she was a puzzle that only had a quarter of the pieces to, "I hope he bit the dust."

At that phrasing Buffy broke out in laughter, every time she tried to get herself under control a new bout of hysterics took over, "Please, go on, ignore me…."

"Right, now that you know that by dating a co-worker you'll turn them into a homicidal monster, next tip would be: Don't date a patient who you've seen in a 'Professional' capacity within a month or two. All you need to know, is that its messy, and inevitably something will happen, and you won't be able to do your job. We are doctors, not Care Bears."

Buffy who had gained control of herself nodded, "Yeah, if you were Care Bears you'd be a lot scarier."

She noted that Stacy leaned over to Cuddy and said something, that only Buffy by use of her slayer powers heard, "What do you know about that girl, she hardly looks old enough to be out of high school."

Cuddy shrugged her shoulders almost imperceptibly, "Not much, and I don't really care. She can get House to actually work, and he's never been this happy. If I didn't know any better, I'd say I was dreaming her, but there you have it. And Stacy, let him be, I know both of you, and neither of you can help but spite the other. I don't want her running away because your fights scare her off, she's the best thing to happen to this hospital since Greg."

Stacy looked hurt, and a bit mad, but Buffy ignored it, House was addressing the audience again, and she just sat there, looking pretty.

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Sorry for the wait, I just couldn't get in the mood, and I know this chapter was a bit droll, but I needed to get Cuddy on Buffy's side…and I don't hate Stacy…I just have to for the sake of the story. Thanks for all the reviews, check out the fanart, hope you enjoy it.


	14. The Ass Gets Into Trouble

Buffy looked up from her journal at the knock on the door, rising she unbolted the door, there stood Wilson, "Hello."

She stood aside so he could enter, "Hi Buffy. I thought you would be at the hospital."

"Just because I've spent a few days there doesn't mean I'm going to spend all my days there," she said defensively.

"Well, it's just that no one can stand to be around House without an incentive…except, seemingly, you."

Buffy quickly closed her journal and slid it in between two large books on a shelf, "Well, sometimes even I need a day off."

He gave her a funny look, "Really?"

"Well," she frowned, "No. I had some work to do."

James could tell she was lying and hiding something, "Is everything okay?"

She slumped onto the couch, "Yeah…No. I just, I don't know what to do these days. I run a company, but no one will follow me anymore, I made a bad call last year, and they turned on me, and even though we sort of patched it up, they don't really think of me as a friend anymore, I'm just a face, a face they place the blame on when something goes wrong, and I don't know how long I can take.

My mentor doesn't have time to help me anymore, and yet he berates me for making a decision that he doesn't like. My best friends are finally powerful on their own and don't need me, so I basically just cease to exist. My own sister who I basically raised hates my guts because her friend got herself killed and I wasn't there to save her.

God, I'm pathetic, I don't why I just don't walk out into traffic…"

Wilson was flabbergasted, he had believed the young woman's cheery exterior and never looked any harder, "Hey, you've got me, and House, although that could be a curse."

Buffy chuckled, "I can deal with curses, the devil, not so much."

He smiled knowingly, "Stacy?"

"Got it in one, she keeps looking at me like I'm evil," Buffy shuddered.

"She just doesn't like seeing Greg…happy. Wow, I just said Greg and Happy in the same sentence without 'needs to' in between."

That got Buffy giggling, "So…what did you come over for?"

Wilson smiled a bit evilly, "House's got clinic all day, I thought we could spend a little time Feng Shui-ing."

Buffy rose and grabbed her jacket, "You're on!"

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House into his office as he yelled at his ex, "I don't see why you had to come here, I mean, couldn't you find 101 puppies elsewhere, Cruella?"

The next thing he knew he was on his back having tripped over a footstool, "What the hell?"

Looking around from his vantage point on the floor his eyes widened, "Holy mother of that's unholy…"

Everything in his office was in the mirror position of what it normally was…his eyes narrowed on the upside down pair on his balcony.

Rolling over he got up and went over to the pair, "I suppose you think that was funny."

Buffy shrugged, "It wasn't bad…although not nearly as funny as this will be."

House looked confused, "What are you talking about?"

Buffy looked at Wilson, "Do you have any idea what he's talking about?"

"No, you?"

She shook her head, "Although, it could be that we re-alphabetized all his music….and switched the cases….other than that I wouldn't know what you're talking about. Oh, and we switched his guitar with a lefty…"

Wilson feigned sympathy, "That is right, ah, too bad we aren't video taping this."

House glared, "It is too bad, seeing as I just paged Chase to lock your balcony door," as he said this, the click of the lock sliding into place could be heard.

House walked away, triumphant…even if he would be screwed musically for a few days.

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Finally writing regularly, everybody be real proud….thanks for all the support, and Spike and Angel should be entering in approximately oh…four to six chapters…so pretty soon! They won't both appear in the same chapter…because you know everything with those two must be a contest….hehe hope you are all enjoying. Ahh crap…my desk chair just broke and I'm lying flat on my back…I feel like House…except I'm in the girl way…not the boy way. Hehe. Must go find a chair before I can write more. Ta


	15. The Ass Gets A Date

Buffy whistled as she walked through the graveyard, "Is it that hard to get any action around here?!"

Getting no response except for the wind rattling the gated mausoleums she rolled her eyes and kept walking. After a few moments she froze, she could here scraping…and grunting. Slipping the stake she carried up her sleeve so it was hidden she carefully edged towards the source of the noise. Hidden in the shadows of a large crypt she spotted four people working around a grave…flashlights giving off bad light…especially for…grave robbing? She couldn't help but be reminded of Chris and Eric…that little creep.

She was about to step forward and break up the little party when she heard a very distinctive voice, "I hope you know that we're probably breaking about a dozen laws."

Rolling her eyes she snuck up behind the group, "So breaking and entering just the start of the illegal exploits…'cause I know how fun it is to dig up graves in the middle of the night…"

At her sudden arrival all the heads whipped to face her, Cameron, Chase, and Foreman gave a sigh of relief, and House just looked curious.

Buffy covered her mouth with a hand, "Oops, did I interrupt something?"

Chase jumped out of the half empty grave, "No…not at all. We were just…"

"…digging up a grave. Hey, I've been there…but there is a real art to making sure you aren't caught."

Foreman just looked at her, "Yeah, I just can't see it…What do you think Chase, do you think she would pick up a shovel?"

House just poked his colleague with his cane, "If you were looking at her, you would notice that you have officially become the red to her bull."

Buffy stuck her tongue out at him, "That's a misnomer…kind of like the Halloween deal."

Cameron looked at her, "Halloween?"

Buffy shook her head, "Inside joke…point is you're doing this all wrong."

House grinned, "See that's what I love about you…you don't want to know why we're digging up rotting corpses…you want to help. A woman after my own heart!"

Foreman put his shovel down, "Alright, if you're the expert, what are we doing wrong?"

Buffy snorted and looked at him like he was a newborn babe, "First off, you don't have a lookout, and second you never use flashlights. Third, you go for the head of the grave. Some caskets have the half openings…why open more than you have to. Fourthly, a pickaxe will help get the work done faster, loosens the dirt."

All four stared at her, Cameron a bit disturbed, Chase, Foreman, and House curiosity piqued.

Chase picked up his flashlight and glanced between it and Buffy, "So, why no flashlights?"

Buffy sat down on the edge of the whole, legs dangling in, "Attracts attention, plus if you have the light on it glances of the shovels and just causes trouble…really, a friend almost lost his toe one night. Anyway, Cameron, go play lookout. Anyone want to tell me why I'm going to help dig…Mr. Samuel Marathas up?"

The fellowship looked at the specialist of infectious diseases, he blew out a breath, "He stole my pocket watch?"

Buffy snorted as she picked up the discarded shovel, "Don't lie…Okay. I don't care if this is for a case, or if this is just your version of my Tuesdays."

There was silence for a while as the three dug steadily, Buffy finally hit pay dirt when her shovel hit something making a hollow thump. Buffy smiled and began to remove the rest of the inhibiting dirt. Moving back she set her shovel on the grass.

Foreman looked at Chase expectantly, House rolled his eyes, "Will one of you just do it."

The black man backed away, "You do it."

Chase scoffed, "No way! Rock, Paper, Scissors?"

Buffy rolled her eyes and pushed the two men out of her way, "Wimps…go on, get out…you know you want to."

Neither needed much more persuading and eagerly hopped out of the grave, Buffy dug into the dirt and unlatched the lid. Giving an exaggerated grunt she pulled the coffin open, "Well hello there Sammy, you've had better days, haven't you? It's alright, I don't judge, hell you look better than a lot of corpses."

House coughed lightly, "Chase, check his gums."

The younger doctor just stared in disbelief, "Have Cameron do it, she barely dug."

"Pathetic much? What am I looking for…extra long canines, Mr. Van Helsing?" Buffy couldn't help but asking, pushing back the memories of people who would have laughed along with her.

Foreman snorted, "Does that make you Mina Harker?"

Buffy shook her head, "No, it makes me Drac's bride…he seriously has control issues."

Cameron had come to stand near the headstone, "House does at that," she said, obviously misinterpreting Buffy's statement."

Bending over the slayer gently pried the jaw open and ran her finger inside the dead man's mouth, pulling the lip back, "Decomposed, that's a given, but there is a bit of discoloration, and there is a weird lump, and another…maybe hives?"

House struggled to his feet, "alright, I got what I wanted, Chase, Foreman, Cameron, since all three of you failed to man up and stick your fingers in a dead dude, you get to put the dirt back."

Buffy winced in sympathy and quickly jumped out of the grave, "Have fun."

House watched her wipe her hands on the back of her leather pants and start to head off into the night, "Hey, Buffy, why are _you_ in a graveyard?"

Buffy turned around but kept walking, "Felt like a walk."

House seemed to accept this slightly eccentric excuse, "So I was thinking maybe we could meet when it wasn't a work thing or a dead thing."

"What, you want to have coffee," Buffy asked, echoing familiar words from long ago.

House looked a bit nervous, "Well, I didn't say anything about coffee. I was thinking more like dinner."

Buffy grinned, "Are you asking me out?"

Three exasperated sighs came from the hole.

House chuckled, "I guess I am."

Buffy started to walk away, waving as she turned her back on the scene, "It's a date…not the first time I've gotten picked up in a graveyard, but then again, it is a Buffy Summers classic."

House just grinned and watched the retreating form, everything she had said after her acceptance floating in a fog at the back of his head.

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I know this was a long chapter, but I was just having too much fun…hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much as I did. Mwahaha! I am gradually leading up to the point where House is going to have to go wha?! Of course we have a bit…at least two or three stab wounds to go…hehe.

I'd also like to thank whoever nominated this story for a COA, it made me extra happy and I was giggly the entire day and when the teachers asked me what was wrong it just set me off again. So thank you, I needed to laugh.


	16. The Ass's Date

Buffy smiled as she walked through the cemetery gates, her date with House was in two hours. She wouldn't be patrolling except New Jersey's version of Willy had reported some massacred vamps. Now Buffy wasn't really on the side of vamps, but she knew that whatever was doing it could turn on humans, which was not of the good.

The slayer inhaled, the scents flooded her mind, grass, dirt, decay, dust, and…blood.

Closing her eyes she froze and let her power unfold to encompass the cemetery. That was how she heard the screaming…it wasn't far ahead, maybe five or six hundred feet. Her eyes snapped open and she charged forward, blades appearing in both hands.

She didn't hesitate before she slammed into the crypt door, breaking it into pieces and interrupting the occupant's activities.

"Hi boys, I was wondering if I could borrow some chains, see I was torturing someone and I realized I had run out…embarrassing I know. So what do you say?"

The creatures looked at her momentarily before launching themselves at her, "I guess that's a no. I was kind of hoping that was your answer…now I get to do this."

She tossed the first purple thing over her hip and kicked the second in the gut. She rolled towards the metal contraption that held a bloodied figure…easily snapping the restraints she ignored the magic that was released into the air. The captive slumped to the ground, severely beaten, but conscious. He crawled and staggered towards the door and made it out into the night.

"Great! Just what I needed, now all the vamps will expect me to let them go! It's bad enough that they all know that I've slept with two of them…two of the more infamous…my reputation will be ruined!"

The demony things didn't say anything, but they did growl.

Buffy kept fighting, starting to enjoy herself…two down and one to go. The third one seemed to be the leader. She didn't realize what he had done until it was too late. She was backed into a corner and he was holding a long sword.

The last thing she expected it to do was address her in bad English, "Slayer. You kill innocents of us. Magic willn't hide it, we know what you really looks like."

Buffy froze…magic? She didn't do magic, just good old pointy objects, "I think there has been a huge misunderstanding. I'm not who you think I am!"

The demon paused for a moment, "You lie. You are a new slayer. I will kill you even if it kills me!"

The demon lunged at her. She barely missed being skewered by the sword. Squaring her shoulders she attacked, knives flashing as they cut through the air.

She couldn't feel the pinching as she took the blows that the demons had to offer. At last she had gotten on top of the thing and used her weapon to cut the head off. The oozing purple liquid took the place of the demon. Standing shakily she staggered from the crypt, the night air making her shiver.

Buffy's mind was in a haze…she didn't remember dropping her knives or stakes…she didn't see the world closing in on her until she stepped into the bright beam of white light that beckoned her home…then it was blackness and peace that washed over her crumpled form.

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House glanced at his watch…fifteen minutes. His date was fifteen minutes late. They had agreed to meet at the classy, suit-and-tie, restaurant for their first date, and now he was sitting alone, the waitresses throwing him pitying looks.

Drumming his fingers on the red table cloth he ignored the twinge of pain…a pain that no amount of vicodin could soothe.

He was an idiot. He actually thought that a 23 year old woman liked him. When had he become Cameron, willing to take everything and everyone at face value. Hadn't Wilson been a little surprised when he had gloated about his date. Stacy had heckled Buffy at every chance, told him he was a fool and she would probably just end up hating him.

Had he driven her away….No, there had to be a logical answer to her absence. Because, honestly, who didn't love him?

A steady buzzing made him look at his phone…Cameron…probably going to give him tips on how not to drive Buffy away.

Sighing he answered it, "Did you need something?"

He could hear the hesitance in her voice, "Um-House, there's-you need to get to the hospital."

House groaned, "What now? Did Cuddy get a wedgie and she needs me to come get it out? Or is this about that stick up her ass?"

Cameron couldn't even be bothered to disapprove, she was staring at the broken figure on a bed, "House…this isn't the time to joke! One of the nurses recognized her. They brought her in about half an hour ago."

"What in the world are you talking about?"

"Buffy---she's they don't know if she'll make it. Her heart was already stopped when they got to the scene. She's in the ICU House."

The rushing sound intensified, it was deafening…he shut his phone and stood up, hurrying to the entrance of the restaurant, he did however turn back and smirk at the others in the place before smiling brightly, "She didn't stand me up, she's in the ICU."

His outburst was followed by his quick exit and the deafening sound of a motorcycle.

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Okay, not my very favorite chapter but still I think that I added more to the characters…also I wanted a bit of House doubting himself then dismissing it…he so would do that. Hope you all enjoyed.


	17. The Ass’s Neighbor Is In the ICU

Cuddy stood at the observation window, her hand was at her mouth, the figure on the bed was surrounded by machines and her body was covered with tubes and wires. Cameron stood next to her, Chase and Foreman were in the room checking her vitals again.

"What did the ambulance driver say happened," Cuddy asked softly.

Cameron responded equally softly, "He said that she apparently stumbled onto the road, and collapsed. She was almost run over. They nearly pronounced her dead, but her heart started beating and they said that they had never seen anything like it."

Cuddy just stared at the pale woman, who looked, if possible, smaller, "Did you get a hold of House, and her family?"

"Wilson said he would contact someone. House…I don't know, he was just House."

"Wilson?"

"Yeah, apparently they've bonded, he took her cell phone and went to his office."

Cuddy took one last look before turning to leave, "She better live…I don't how we'll live with House if she doesn't."

Cameron nodded, knowing that there was a great deal of truth to that statement.

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House came limping down the hallway as fast as he could, Chase, Foreman, and Cameron were watching their patient when he came to stand behind them, "So does one of you want to tell me what the hell happened? Why is my date in the hospital?"

Chase glanced at Buffy, "She has severe stab wounds, a lot of bruising, and some head trauma."

House swore, "What are her chances?"

Foreman looked down, he like this girl, she was nice, and seemed to make House mellow out a bit, "Not good, the longer she stays in the coma, the less chance she'll wake up. Wilson is handling contacting people. Maybe you should—"

House had pushed past him and entered the room, he seemed to pause before taking the seat next to her bed. He couldn't bare to look at the chart, so he just stared blankly.

Wilson came to stand in the doorway, but didn't enter as he heard House speaking to Buffy, "You know, if you didn't want to go out with me you could have just said so, you didn't have to go and get yourself nearly killed. I feel like an idiot, you can't hear me, and here I am telling you things I won't admit to myself. Sometimes I wonder if my leg has infected me, made me cold."

Wilson knocked loudly on the glass before entering, "I contacted the two people in her phone. They were both in New York on business and will be here in a few hours. How are you doing?"

House shrugged his shoulders, "Fine, I'm not the one on the bed with holes in my body."

Wilson nearly ran from the room at the cold statement, "Okay. I get it, your fine, but hypothetically, how should you be feeling?"

House let his head loll back, "Terrified, wondering what the hell she was doing, and a little more of the terrified."

Wilson nodded his head, "Maybe you should go down to the chapel."

"God can't help me."

Wilson extended his hand and let something drop, "That's not what she thinks. She's worn this cross every single second of every single day. So don't do it for you, do it for her."

House stood up and grabbed the silver necklace, he didn't say anything, he just walked out of the room and down the hall.

Wilson took the seat that his friend had vacated, he wanted to say something, but all he could do was sigh.

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The cross dug into his palm and he sat down in the pew. He barely registered the priest moving around lighting candles. The doctor stared down at the floor, not wanting her fate to rest in the hands of something that didn't care about her…didn't know her. His throat constricted and he locked his jaw, sitting in pure silence, unaware that the Powers that Be were not going to let their greatest warrior and champion fall.

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Yay this chappie took some time, I couldn't figure out how I wanted to write the end. Hope you all enjoyed. I know, not as funny as some other chappies, but I will return with that. Next up: Spike!


	18. The Ass's Team Meets

A platinum blonde haired man stalked through the doors of the hospital, moving up to the front desk he fidgeted with something in his pocket, "I'm here to see Buffy Summers. Someone called about her…said there was an accident."

The nurse was taken aback at the man's appearance. She couldn't really believe that the sweet Buffy knew such a man. He wore a leather trench coat and had an abrasive air about him.

She smiled politely despite it, "Ms. Summers, she's in the ICU, second floor, room 209. I should warn you, she's in a coma, it doesn't look good."

The man ran a hand through his hair, "Right, do I need a pass or a badge or something?"

The woman nodded and hurriedly handed him a badge with an alligator clip. He didn't even complain about attaching the visitor pass to his shirt. He just stalked towards the elevator.

When he had gotten the call the sun had just set, he hadn't even left a note for Angelus he had just taken off. Now he was waiting to see her, Buffy. He remembered cursing the Powers as he drove to New Jersey…he was suddenly thankful that Peaches had made him come with to this stupid meeting. He couldn't say that he hadn't thought about swinging by the state to check on her…maybe see if she had any good whiskey, but he had been so caught up in not killing his grandsire the plan had slipped his mind.

He got off the elevator and swept down the hallway, a nurse stopped him, "Excuse me sir, can I help you?"

The man was too worried to be mean, "Yeah, I'm here to see Buff…uh Summers, Buffy Summers."

The nurse seemed to pale, "Oh, are you her brother?"

He choked on laughter, "No! I'm her medical proxy…can I see her?"

The nurse nodded and led him to a room that was far from silent. It was filled with the beeps and ticks of machines. Stepping into the room he didn't even notice the three doctors standing outside. He just stared at the woman on the bed and ran a shaking hand over his face.

He rushed over to the bed and took her pale hand in his, "Oh Pet, what happened?"

Leaning over her he smoothed her hair down and stroked her cheek, he was whispering nonsensical things to her, wishing she would open her eyes and tell him he she had been joking. Instead he just got her slack face surrounded by mussed blonde locks.

He could smell all the blood and knew that she had indeed been in a nasty fight, rubbing his fingers across her hand he kept wondering what had done this to her and whether it was dead. Then there were the thoughts of guilt and blame, if he had been here, would she be lying on this bed broken. But he had decided to do 'good' with his grandsire despite her protests that she didn't hate him and that she needed him. What if this was his entire fault. What if he had done this to her.

He was so concentrated on the woman that he still loved that he barely noticed that three people entered the room.

The female spoke, "What are you doing in here?"

Spike didn't let go of Buffy's hand, "Checking on Buffy."

The blonde haired man rolled his eyes, "She meant: who are you?"

"Spike's the name."

The black man snorted, "Spike? Spike isn't a name…unless you're a dog."

Cameron stepped forward, "I'm Doctor Cameron, this is Doctor Foreman, and Doctor Chase. We're friends with Buffy…and we're taking care of her," she offered the man her hand against her better judgment.

Spike ignored it, "I don't care…all I care about is getting her healthy."

Foreman nodded, "So who are you to her? Her brother?"

Spike laughed again, "Why does everyone think I'm her bleeding brother? Number one: I'm English, Number two:…well there is no number two. Point is, I'm not her brother…she doesn't have any brothers."

Chase raised an eyebrow, "I thought her family was called."

Spike shrugged his shoulders, "Guy by the name of Wilson called me if that's what you mean."

Cameron nodded, "So are you her family?"

Spike shook his head, "No, not biologically…but I'm the one she calls family…the rest of that lot are as good as dead to me, right Luv?"

He didn't expect an answer from the slayer that lay on the bed. She just kept on lying there, machines beeping in her silence.

Foreman looked down at his chart, "We really need to get a hold of her blood family. There are decisions that need to be made…things to talk about…"

"Well, it's good that I'm here then. I'm Buffy's medical proxy."

Chase stared at the chart, "It doesn't say that in here."

Spike smirked, "It wouldn't…Buffy hates hospitals. She hasn't been in one since her mum died. She only had the paperwork done about six months back…I brought a copy just in case."

So saying he produced the pages from the inner folds of his jacket, they were all properly signed and notarized.

Foreman looked them over, "They look real. We should talk about what you want to do in case she gets worse."

Spike didn't move, "Who's the other bloke?"

"Wilson," Cameron guessed.

He shook his head and sighed, "No, the other one, she mentioned him in a letter, not by name though," Spike lied to cover up the fact that he could smell another man on the slayer.

"Oh," Cameron realized, "Doctor Gregory House. Their first date was tonight…she didn't show up because she was here…"

Spike just closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He sat down in the chair and rested his head on his hands which held her small one, "Don't care who he is Pet, he isn't good enough for you. No one will ever be. You're all dark and fire and passion, I miss that. The late nights playing poker…the kitties…shots…going for—walks when we were totally sloshed. That time you, uh, you fell off your stool at the bar just to attract the one guy's attention so you could have some fun. Gods I miss you…on the upside I get to heckle Captain Forehead with his poofy hair gel. We should have an intervention for him, what do you say? Want to distract him while I burn the damn stuff?"

Cameron herded the two men out of the room and closed the door on her way out, wondering who the strange man was, and what he was to her possible friend.

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_Buffy's Dream…_

Buffy opened her eyes and rolled to her feet, her head whipped around at the sound of footsteps….Whistler.

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Yay! I had much fun! Not much of House, but that will be the next chappie majorly…hehe…one more chappie before Angel showS up! Giggle giggle…I can just smell the pissing contests! Oh, and I've actually had this chapter written for a while, but I am having trouble with the next chapter because my mind was dead and I wrote a chapter that introduced a new plot twist which I kind of liked but also screwed me over so I have to go rewrite it, anything you guys are thinking of would be greatly appreciated.


	19. The Ass Meets Spike, Little Intervention

_Buffy's Dream…_

Buffy opened her eyes and rolled to her feet, her head whipped around at the sound of footsteps….Whistler.

The balance demon moved towards her, the pinhole of light closing behind him…they were left in this gray…place.

"Slayer."

She snorted, "There are more than two now. I go by just Buffy these days."

He smiled, "I know…but you'll never be 'Just Buffy' you know it, I know it, hell, the demons know it."

"Speaking of, I know I'm going to regret this because of the mind-numbing cryptic-ness that will ensue, but where am I?"

He attempted to smile, "Well you're not dead."

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, cause we all know that's a real drag."

"You're in a coma."

She shrugged her shoulders, "That's kind of new. Why am I in a coma?"

Whistler fiddled with his hat, "Seems one of the newbie slayer has got herself into a boatload of purple demon trouble."

"Oh joy, so let me guess…my so called friends have me painted like a heartless killer and some baby slayer pissed off a demon and told him I was her so that he would come after me."

She didn't like the silence, "That's about it Slayer."

"Who is it?"

He snorted, "Who do you think?"

"Hmmm, plenty of candidates…although using me as scapegoat narrows it down to anyone close to my ex-friends….Kennedy?"

He nodded, "Right on the head."

Nearly growling the slayer clenched her fists, "I'm starting to see why some potentials are never chosen…some of them just need the spotlight…have to be top dog, numero uno, head honcho, bozo the freaking clown!"

She realized Whistler was staring at her, "Done?"

She pouted, "Yes. So what's with the intervention thing if I killed the demons?"

"The Powers want to know what you're going to do with your life."

"Shouldn't they know what I'm going to do…what I'm supposed to do?"

"They know you'll keep fighting, it's in your blood. They mean are you ready to let go and learn something new, or are you going to hang on to what you know and be destroyed?" Whistler put his fingers together in a steeple.

Buffy stared indignantly, her fingers twitching, "So this really is an intervention."

The balance demon shrugged in his bold blazer, "More of a prod. You were destined to fight alone, and while you didn't for a time, you're back where you started, alone. You and Angel might have lasted if he could see what was right in front of his face, but he won't. William will always love you, but the pain of not knowing he was alive will taint what you might have had. You need to make a decision, are you going to cling to them to the pain because it lets you know your alive, or are you going to live?"

Buffy stared at her hands, "So what you're saying is that my life is about to become a sick romance movie?"

"Pretty much kid…"

She was about to punch him when he started to dissolve in that icky spotty way that leaves chunks in places and gapping holes in others. Now she was left alone in the whiteness.

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Spike had shed his coat and his normally sleeked back locks had been loosed to their tiny ringlets, he was still holding Buffy's small, delicate hand in his. A knock at the door made him swing his head to face the intruders. It was that guy, Foreman.

He moved hesitantly, wise, he was in the presence of a killer, "I think it would be a good idea for us to talk. Why don't we go to the office, the rest of the team can help me apprise the situation."

Spike rubbed his free hand over his jaw, "Yeah, okay." He bent over and brushed his lips across her cheek, Foreman watching carefully.

They walked in silence away from the slayer's room, the black, very articulate man opened the door for him, the badass vamp was met with the two other team members, he nodded in greeting. The woman led showed him to a chair and offered him some coffee. Spike had to hold in his laughter as he declined, he was a hot chocolate man…not that he told them that.

The Australian man cleared his throat, "So, Mr. Bloody—odd name."

Spike shrugged, "Call me Spike."

He nodded, "So, uh, Spike, Buffy's condition doesn't look very promising at the moment. If the stab wounds heal without any trouble she should come out of this, but if they get infected her coma could become worse."

Cameron frowned, "I'm very sorry."

Foreman nodded and clasped his hands in front of him on the table, "If in the unfortunate even that her coma becomes irreversible, we need to know what you would like to do?"

Spike's face hardened, "I'm not killing her!"

Cameron nodded, "I understand this is difficult, but the amount of care she would need would be fairly costly."

Spike ran a hand through his peroxide hair tousling it further, "Money is no object."

Chase nodded, "Alright. Do you have any questions?"

Spike nodded, "Yeah, where the hell is this Doctor Gregory House bloke?"

A humorless voice sounded from the door, "Right here, but I don't believe I asked for an eighties reject. Seriously, who is this guy?"

Cameron stood up, "Buffy's medical proxy."

House nodded and was about to say something when Wilson walked in behind him, "Did you go pray? I'm sure Buffy appreciates it."

House glared at his friend, "Could try being any louder, I don't think everyone heard that I actually asked God for help because someone else believes in him."

Spike snorted, "What makes you think Buffy believes in God?"

The weathered man let something drop down to dangle from his hand, "She always wears this."

It was a cross, Spike was still laughing, "In all my years of knowing Buffy, she has never prayed to God, or gone to church." Okay, the last bit wasn't true, she had been to churches, talked to priests, had them parading the product in front of her, but she had never bought it.

This Doc was seriously whipped if he was willing to go against his beliefs to help Buffy.

House's jaw dropped and he rolled his eyes towards heaven, "Then why does she where a cross? I just spent two hours kneeling in a cold chapel, and I'm a freaking cripple!"

Wilson snorted before straightening and rubbing the back of his heads surreptitiously, Spike just quirked an eyebrow, "So how did you two meet, I doubt it was in this hospital."

House rolled his eyes, "No, she's a criminal element. She picked the lock on my front door."

Spike couldn't help but crack a smile, "That is Buffy, if something's in her way she moves it."

Foreman, Chase, Cameron, and Wilson looked at each other knowingly.

Wilson inhaled deeply, "So, Spike, how long have you known Buffy?"

The blonde man shrugged, "Just past seven and a half years. She's been through so much, she's a fighter. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't make it through this." The last part was a murmured prayer.

The tentative silence was broken by five pagers beeping and blinking.

Cameron looked up from hers and stared at both Spike and House, "Its Buffy, she's…"

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Ah, yes, I kind of did a cliffhanger…err please don't kill me for multiple reasons. One, I am so sorry it took me so long to post this, I was in a writing slump…trust me I hate me for it. This chapter in particular was kicking my a double s, today I finally kicked it. Second I would like to thank everyone who reviewed and encouraged me to continue writing. Next chapter we have Angelcakes…grr. JK, this is not a Spike or Angel bashing story. So tell me what you all think, I need all the encouragement I can get…so yay.


	20. The Ass Meets The Angel?

The bleach blonde, laugh-at-death vampire inhaled deeply, "She's dead. Isn't she."

The horror in his eyes was reflected in Greg's and Wilson's. Spike wanted to slam his fist into the glass wall and shatter it into a billion pieces but with his mind racing a million miles a minute he couldn't get his body to function.

Cameron's voice broke into his thoughts, "Yes…err…no. What I mean to say is she flat lined for a minute, but the doctor got her stabilized. Can you here me? Are you okay?"

Spike's thickening panic and sense of loss was too tough to be broken through, he felt a single tear slip down his cheek, "She can't be gone, not again. Do you hear me? She can't be dead, I won't let her be!"

House's dread was slowly melting, it was true he was used to death, but not anyone he loved-err-cared about. He took a deep breath and came back to the room, he noticed this Spike character was in a catatonic state so he cleared his throat and slammed his palm into the pale man's cheek.

The vampire didn't move, House shrugged at the shocked looks on his colleagues faces, "What? Somebody had to do something!"

Spike snapped to attention, eyes glowing a faint gold behind the blue, "What the bloody hell was that for mate!"

House rolled his eyes, "You weren't responding."

Spike pushed the threatening tears back, "Yeah, well it's not ever day the one person you care for dies is it?" Blatant lie, this would be death number four.

Wilson cleared his throat, "Spike…"

Greg cut him off, "Yeah about that…"

Spike looked about ready to lunge at him for unknown reasons.

Wilson's eyes had bugged out in exasperation, "Guys, can you save the pissing contest until later, Buffy's awake."

Both of them stared at the oncologist, "Awake?"

Spike clenched his fists, "She's alive…she's not dead?"

Wilson nodded, "Her heart only stopped for a few moments. She's a little out of it but she's fine."

Spike twisted his hands inside of his duster, "Well sodding hell, could of told a bloke that before you tell him the bint's dead. No need to pussy foot around that like Red and the Whelp."

Chase was the one to interrupt this time, "If Buffy's awake, maybe you'd like to see her, before the other contact arrives?"

Spike blinked, "Oh, I forgot about that for a moment. Right, well, I'm going to see a girl about a…horse."

He brushed past them all and made it into the little Slayer's room, she lay propped up in the bed. Her eyes were opening and closing lazily, he couldn't help but smile.

"Hey pet, how are you feeling?"

She cracked a lazy grin, "A little holey."

"Well maybe that'll teach you to let you're guard down and get stuck like a pig," he moved to sit down beside her.

"What are you doing here, Spike?"

"Got a phone call, said you were uh in a hospital. Only when I got here, I find out you've been frequenting it voluntarily," He ruffled her hair.

"Shut up. I had to do something to entertain myself, and watching Passions every day gets a bit tedious," Buffy yawned and smirked at her best-friend.

"Not all of us get to work at evil incorporated. I'll say this though, at least you don't have to see the Poofter on a daily basis. He's put on weight and get this, he actually byes their bullshit."

She laughed but ended up coughing, "And I thought you were the dumb one, looks like you just got promoted."

He smiled and gave her a glass of water, "Met your doctor friends, seem nice enough, they're hovering around the corner. The cripple's getting impatient. You've got him nicely whipped, little birdie told me he went and prayed because you wear that cross."

Her eyes widened, "House! He's more antichrist than Dracula!"

He laughed again, "So I heard. He also slapped me, kind of a drama queen if ask me. What do you say we let the anxious doctors in and let them fuss over you, eh Pet?"

She nodded as she continued to laugh, "I've missed you William."

He got up and went to the door, "I've missed you too, Pet," he leaned out the door, "Well, get in here and fuss over the chit. Weak as a kitten she is, you could probably pinch her cute little cheeks and get away with it."

The five doctors walked in, all of them staring between the two blondes.

Buffy scowled, "You're evil!"

"Damn right, love," he smirked.

Greg stood near the head of her bed, "Maybe I should take advantage of you while you're lying there, all vulnerable."

He inched his hand forward as his three stooges were checking her vitals and the machines. She rolled her eyes and slapped his hand a few inches from her cheek.

He pulled his hand back at the loud smack, "Oww! You said she was weak."

Spike just snorted, "Yeah, for her. By the way, who's the other contact?"

Wilson was reading a sheet of paper and ignoring House who was shaking his hand and fumbling with his bottle of vicodin, "Uh, his name…was…"

"Angel," Buffy and Spike finished.

"Spike," the devil growled from the door.

"Sodding hell Peaches, no one wants you here," Spike exclaimed exasperatedly.

The brooding vampire swept forward ignoring everyone else in the room and leaned over Buffy, "Are you alright, do you need anything?"

Buffy resisted the urge to roll her eyes, "I'm fine, now if you would excuse me, I'd like to get dressed and go home."

"You can't!" Three voices exclaimed at once.

Another piped in after, "For once they're right, you were stabbed multiple times. Went into a coma and died before you woke up, so um, looks like you're not going anywhere."

Angel was staring at House, "She died?"

"She, is right here," the slayer interjected.

He turned to her this time, "You died, oh god. I'm sorry, it'll be okay I promise. You can come live with me in L.A. until you feel better."

Her frown deepened, "I. Am. Fine."

"You're just saying that, I remember how you were, I don't want you doing anything stupid," he engulfed her in a hug.

Spike pulled him off of her, "Back off mate, she's fine, trust me, I've been there for her, you haven't."

"I've always been there, and I've never hurt her like you have!"

"Oh, is that so, I didn't leave her to die you bleeding moron."

"You always want what's mine, boy, always chasing after my scraps…Drusilla and now Buffy."

"Oh sod off, you don't know what you're talking about you poofter."

Wilson, Cameron, Foreman, and Chase were all focused on the duo that was arguing. Buffy sat up and maneuvered herself into the wheelchair next to her bed before ripping wires and needles from her body. House looked ready to object, but she was already wheeling herself out of the room. Instead he hobbled after her not bothering to say anything.

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Again, I'm sorry this took so long, the dialogue in the beginning didn't feel right so I couldn't get it to work, which makes the rest of it harder to get…anyhow, I finally feel like it works. Trust me, the minute the new episodes start coming I'll be writing more often. I've also got a new addiction….er but I'm enjoying every minute of it…it involves Ville Valo of HIM if you don't know who they are go check them out, they rock!


	21. Come On Can I?

Sorry for the wait, i hope this is good for you. Please review it helps me write.

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Buffy rolled herself down the hallway, perfectly aware that Greg was limping along behind her. It wasn't that he was calling out for her to stop. It was the steady irregularity in his footsteps, and the little squeak of rubber on tile that sounded. She easily made it to the elevator and pushed the "up" button. The doors whooshed open and she wheeled herself inside, House following her.

He didn't say anything as she pushed the button for the top floor. As much as she loved both of the vampires who were probably dueling over her at the moment, she knew that they would break her heart again, rubbing salt into still fresh wounds. Whistler's words echoed in her mind…maybe it was time to move on. Buffy raised her head to peer at the metallic doors, her hollow eyes stared back, and the figure behind her was looking down at her.

The elevator shuddered to a stop and the doors opened, she rolled out of the confined space and searched the deserted corridor. A door marked with one word in a discouraging red color beckoned her. "Roof" peace, that was what she needed, not the painfully white ceiling of this sterile building, she needed warm, dark familiarity, the night sky and the noises that came with it.

The slayer pulled the door open and rose from the wheelchair. She went up the stairs with only a little lingering pain.

"You're going to kill yourself!" House's exasperated voice called after her.

She ignored him and as expected he followed her, his leg not hindering him nearly as much as he pretended it usually did. She couldn't help but grin…maybe one day she could help him. She could do a lot with her power, she had learned in the past few years. That brought her back to just before the Scoobies had gone up against The First. She had helped Willow heal…she'd done it again with victims in the past year. Maybe just maybe…if he would let her…

She burst out onto the roof of the hospital, the cool, clean air nearly choking her. She moved over the brick "railing" and leaned against it. She felt Greg move next to her, and out of the corner of her eye she watched him stare intently at his feet. He was thinking, which meant she was about to be put under a proverbial microscope.

"Because you're not bleeding out on the ground, my guesses are a, you're an alien; b, your brain is damaged and it's telling your body it's fine; or c, everything I know about you is a lie," he finally looked up and stared me in the eyes, "and for some reason, I really hope it isn't c."

I took a deep breath, "Not everything. I need to know if you really want to hear the truth, or do you want to walk away right now."

"It would be more of a limp after the stairs and kneeling for an hour or two. I think I'll keep what little dignity I have left," he told her.

She chuckled softly, "You remind me so much of Spike."

"The bleach blonde Billy Idol wannabe!" it was an indignant question.

Buffy rolled her eyes, "I guess that's as good a place as any."

House raised an eyebrow, "Hn?"

"Billy Idol stole the look from Spike," she looked him square in the eye, face perfectly straight.

"That's impossible!"

"Impossible no. Improbable yes, but true, just like most of my life. The world didn't start out like the bible says. It wasn't a paradise. It was hell, demons walked unchained upon the earth, scorching the ground," Buffy stared up at the few stars.

House's face was guarded.

"The demons died out eventually, but the last one mixed its blood with a human to create a vampire. Vampires spread like the plague, eventually something was created to fight them…a girl. There has always been one, when one dies, another is chosen."

He shrugged, "Kind of like the lottery…if you weren't insane and this was all true. Which might explain why Cuddy always has her panties in a wad…she's the devil."

Buffy let out a shocked laugh, "She's more of a fluffy kitten in my books."

House still shuddered, "That's even scarier…"

Both were silent for a moment, Buffy trying to figure out how to explain the rest of her life while the good doctor wondering where Wilson hid his vicodin.

"If what you say is true where are you in all of this?" his voice broke the silence.

"I'm that girl…you stab me and I heal right back up," her words were laced with bitterness.

"So you're a human sponge…sweet…you know, if I believed any of this."

It only took one look at his face to tell that he did believe it, "Spike, he's a vampire, so is Angel."

"Even if I did believe your brain damage induced ramblings, wouldn't them caring for you go against the rules," Greg was leaning half over the rail.

"You're not wrong. They have souls. When a vampire is sired, the soul leaves and the demon takes control, it has your memories, it walks and talks like you, but it isn't you. Some vampires are more resistant to the demon and retain certain undesirable characteristics such as love and compassion," Buffy sighed, kind of getting tired of exposing the ills of the world to innocents…well as innocent as a cynical doctor can be.

"So that night in the graveyard…"

"Slaying vampires."

"And you're a self admitted necrophiliac."

The slayer's eyes widened, "I never said that, besides, it's not like they just lay there."

"Ha! So you do admit it!" House pointed.

How did he have the ability to make her go from serious to piss happy in three seconds?

"Get your laughs out, unless you have the stones to step up and prove your better than a vampire," she giggled.

House snorted, "But vampires are a figment of your imagination."

"What do you want, proof, well take a good look, do I look like I just came out of a coma?"

"I don't know, to be sure I would have to do a full physical."

Apparently he also had the uncanny ability to take her from annoyed to warm and tingly in two seconds…not a bad talent.

She must have zoned out for a moment because she started to hear his low, rumble of a voice, "Can I stab you? I think that would be proof enough. Either you let me do it and you heal or I don't believe you."

Buffy's jaw dropped, "I'm not going to let you stab me!"

He gave her a triumphant look, "Told you so."

She ignored him, "We should go back. I'm surprised the hospital is still standing. I've seen spike bring a house down around him without meaning to. If Spike and Angel start anything this place will be leveled."

House rolled his eyes, "Yeah...right."

The slayer gently stretched her limbs and moved back towards the stairs and into the fluorescent lit hospital. She blinked quickly as her eyes adjusted.

"Get back in the chair and we'll go."

She shook her head, "Nah, I'll have to explain my miraculous recovery to them anyways, besides this will get them to shut up."

House fell into step beside her, and waved her into the elevator, "Well apparently we know who wears the pants in this relationship."

Buffy froze and twisted her neck so she could look at him as he stared straight ahead, "Greg, we don't have a relationship."

He squared his shoulders almost defensively, "You must have hit your head harder than I thought."

She didn't stop staring, "Straightforward answer please, it's been a long day."

"I haven't asked anyone out on a date of my own volition in god and Wilson only know how long," he breathed out.

"Oh," was all she replied, "But I'm crazy, remember?"

"Everybody lies."

They rode in silence as Buffy pondered exactly what is Oz like answer had meant.

When the elevator doors opened they could hear the faint echo of shouting from Buffy's room.

She rubbed her eyes with one hand before stalking off, House shadowing her.

"So, can I stab you?"

"No!"

"Come on," Doctor House whined.

"No means no."

"Except when it means yes, which it does right now."

"Don't think about it."

"So I'm supposed to think about it…okay."

Buffy sighed, "I don't think you're supposed to want to stab your girlfriend."

House shrugged his shoulders and spoke with all seriousness, "Meh…I'm not normal."

Buffy rolled her eyes, the tiniest hint of a smile playing on her face, "Obviously, and your damned proud of it."

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I took a look at what I had written today and I got this awful image stuck in my head, but it didn't fit in this chapter, so I decided to put it in one of the later chapters. Of course my little brain childe spawned and you got the rest of this playful chapter. I know it isn't the most original way to tell of Buffy's secret, but it anyone has ideas on how to tell the gang(not Scooby) message me.

Oh, and by the way this is a pretty anti Scooby fic, I had issues when I started writing this, and I felt that it would be wrong to make them all friendly in the middle, so the Scoobies won't ever show up unless I get a really good idea or someone tells me something really creative. Oh, I am not Anti-Andrew…cause who could ever be angry at him?!

Hope you all enjoyed!


	22. Where Will We Go From Here?

The sliding glass door slammed open, "What in Sweet's name is going on in here?"

Six people spun to face an almost too cheery girl and a smirking man. The two leather clad men swallowed involuntarily while the four spectators opened their mouths in shock.

"Buffy," Cameron whispered, "House! What were you thinking she just woke up from a coma, she also has severe stab wounds. Are trying to kill her?"

House shook his head before closing the door and blinds, "Not at all."

Buffy rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out, "Oh, so you weren't just asking if you could stab me?"

"I think she hit her head harder than we think. She's been saying all sorts of crazy stuff. Like that those two are vampires," House was rolling his eyes.

The other four doctors looked at the three old friends, eyes wide

Spike's cheek hollowed even more, a telltale sign that he was biting it, "Well you don't have to say it like we're animals."

Angel slapped Spike's arm, the sound of leather against flesh resounding as he growled, "Spike."

"God, you two are children," Buffy slammed her hand onto the bedside table.

Both vampires looked at her, "He started it," they both said.

Buffy rubbed her temple, "This is what I'm talking about. Whenever the three of us are in the same city, god forbid the same room all hell breaks loose. You both have, and always will have places in my heart, but right now I don't need this. Angel you fucked up when you left me. Spike don't even start, because you fucked up royally when you didn't tell me you were alive."

Both of them looked properly chastised while the five doctors were watching with interest. Buffy stood and stared at her two ex-lovers for a moment before moving across the heart monitor and started putting the sensors on spike, finally she turned the machine on and the flat-line stretched across the monitor.

Wilson looked at her curiously, "What are you doing?"

"Proving vampires exist," she said simply.

Chase shook his head the monitor meaning nothing, "You probably set it up wrong."

Foreman had been watching her closely, "No she didn't. She set it up perfectly. Unless the machine is busted she's telling the truth. Where did you learn to do that?"

The slayer shrugged, "I pick things up really quickly."

Cameron had hurried over to the machine and started to fiddle with it, "You guys, this machine is in pristine condition."

Walking over to the blonde man Chase held his stethoscope, "May I?"

"Whatever, but Buffy, I'm telling you if I become somebody's lab rat again, it won't end well," Spike growled out, not angry in the least, just upset.

House who had been silent except for a few deep breaths was now staring straight at Buffy, "Vampires and you're the girl who is supposed to kill them. Where does this leave us?"

Buffy inhaled deeply, "Well, it leaves Spike and Angel to go home, and the four of you to keep this a secret."

Angel moved towards her, "Buffy-,"

She stuck her hand out to stop him from coming any closer, "No. Just go, I'll call you when I'm ready to talk. Until then just leave me alone. That goes for you two Spike."

The pair walked out of the hospital room, knowing that Buffy booked no arguments at times like this. She didn't turn to watch them go, she just kept her eyes straight ahead, resolved to ignore them. As soon as they're presence faded from her senses she turned around to face House.

He jerked his head signaling for the others to leave the room, they did so, "Where does this leave us," the stubborn man repeated.

Looking at him with as blank an expression as she could she spoke, "I already told you."

He snorted, "No, you told me what everyone else would do. I was talking about you and me."

Buffy frowned, "I don't know. Do you believe me now?"

House limped forward until he was standing right in front of her, "I refuse to believe something I can't see with my own two eyes. I saw what happened. You gave me irrefutable scientific data. While the entire idea that vampires and demons exist is absolutely unbelievable, I have no choice but to believe it."

Buffy took a deep breath and looked up at Greg, "You may believe it, but can you accept it, cause if you can't…"

"I'm a cripple, cripples can accept anything," House smirked, his blue eyes glimmering with mischief.

"Are those four going to be able to keep their mouth's shut?"

House shrugged, "What do you think?"

"Yeah, as long as we're not embezzling they won't run to Cuddy. Oh crap, we may have to tell Cuddy eventually," Buffy groaned.

House rested his head on top of Buffy's, "Couldn't we just feed her to a vampire?"

"I'd have a moral obligation to try and save her then," Buffy replied pragmatically.

"Oh, fine. Well I suppose we should go check on the ducklings."

Laughing they walked side by side down to House's office, "Hey, you think I could borrow some of Cameron's clothes cause I don't really feel like wearing a freaking hospital gown."

His answer was cut off as they walked into his office and his three underlings and Wilson were sitting looking down at their hands.

"Vampires," Cuddy said dubiously, her arms crossed over her chest.

House's face fell into an expression of disbelief, "Oh, come on! This is pathetic, a three year old could do a better job than this!"

The four who had looked up at their entry went back to staring at their hands, "Vampires," Cuddy repeated.

"It's true, the guy had no pulse, and his skin was cold. Pale as hell too," Foreman spoke softly.

Buffy tapped her nails against her arm, "There is good reason why the world doesn't about vampires, this is it. People think you're crazy. My parents did, that's why I did a stint in an institution before my 16th birthday. I was in there until I recanted my story. Look, vampires exist, but they're not like Stoker's, and there are people who hunt them. I'm one of those people. I heal almost as quickly as a vamp, I'm faster, and nearly as powerful as one too. You don't have to believe it, but accept that they do.

"Cameron, can I borrow some clothes? I don't really feel like having these guys staring at my ass all day-err night," Buffy tried to smile normally.

Cameron eagerly got up and pulled Buffy from the room, "Sure."

Cuddy looked past House, "We're not done here!"

House inhaled as if in pain, "Actually, It kind of looks like you are."

Cuddy scowled and stalked out of the office, vampires couldn't exist it wasn't possible. House probably just took one to many vicodin or hit his head, and he must have dosed everyone else as well. Oh god, vampires exist, Cuddy thought.

Hey I know it has been absolutely forever, and I'm sorry for that. This story is coming to a close, and I was thinking about doing a sequel based off of the fourth season (select episodes), so make sure to tell me if I should do that. Oh, and review as always to help give me ideas. Ideas are always of the good.


	23. Talking Mostly

Cameron leaned against the wall in the locker room as Buffy showered and changed into borrowed clothes.

"Go ahead and ask," the slayer called from behind the shower curtain.

Shoving off against the monotone blue and white tile the brunette paced, "I don't get it. Okay, understatement. Vampires, I mean vampires!"

Buffy peaked out from behind the hanging, "I know what you mean. The first time I heard it I freaked, I mean this old guy gave me a spiel about this grand birthright. Keep in mind I was _the_ ditzy cheerleader type at the time, I asked if it was like an inheritance that I could spend on shoes."

She slipped back into the shower, "So how long have you really been doing whatever it is you do?"

"I was 15 on the verge of 16 when I was called. One girl in each generation born to fight the swell of evil, basically I go out at night, take strolls through graveyards and hope to win every fight," Sighing Buffy turned the shower off and wrapped the towel Cameron handed her around herself.

"That isn't right! I mean you were just a teenager. Who even did this?"

"I've been saying that for years, as far as I know, some ancient men shoved the spirit of a demon in a girl and it just kept being passed down."

Donning the sea foam green scrubs, Buffy sat down beside Cameron, "Okay, but why didn't those two guys, Spike and Angel try to kill you, I mean isn't that what vampires do?"

"Yeah, but neither one of them is quite right in the head. They-I-we had relationships, of sorts. When I met Angel he had his soul, vampires don't unless they're cursed. It acts as a sort of conscience. Spike on the other hand he was completely soulless, but he ended up helping me out during a fight, let's just say he liked humanity and didn't quite want to lose the little "happy meals on legs"-his words," her lips curled up into a smile and her eyes glazed over as she remembered that conversation.

Cameron was chewing on her lip, "So if you like them-right?-why did you send them home?"

Laughing exasperatedly Buffy stood up and stretched, "Let's just say apart I love them to death-no pun intended-together I would rather be holding an atomic bomb."

Allison's eyes widened, "Are they really that bad?"

The pair headed back to House's office, "Worse. They're children, they call each other names and are always attempting to outdo each other, and since they both have a thing for me it becomes a competition for my attention."

She hissed in sympathy, "Suddenly I'm glad I got over my vampire phase, I mean the idea is-wow, but that much testosterone!"

Laughing the pair walked into the office and all four guys stared at them, Chase quirked an eyebrow, "Care to share?"

Buffy stuck her lower lip out and shrugged as she looked at her partner in crime, "It's a girl thing, although…what do you think, honorary member?"

Cameron grinned catching her drift, "We should do a girl's night in. We can braid his hair and do each other's nails."

Hand on hip Buffy moved over to the blonde Australian, "What do you say, are you ready for an extreme night of sexy Christian Bale?"

Wilson and Foreman were biting back their laughter and House was scowling, moving towards Buffy he grasped her wrist, "Hey, you're my girlfriend, and there will be no drooling over guys who aren't me."

So saying he began to drag a fake reluctant Buffy out of the door. She pouted and reached out to Wilson, "Uh-but. I want the pretty boys!"

Stifling his own laughter House gave her one more tug and she followed obediently, "Possessive aren't we."

Looking at the lithe blonde from the corner of his eye he smirked, "You think?"

* * *

Sitting in a ball on Greg's couch Buffy smiled into her mug of hot chocolate, it was two in the morning, not exactly a good time for a talk.

House swirled his marshmallows around his own mug, "Do you still love them?"

Sighing Buffy gritted her teeth. Her boyfriend-it was odd to think that, but not bad-didn't exactly pull any punches, "Yes. I still love them, but I'm not _in_ love with them. I've said it before, pretty much everyone in my life has turned on me, and there are only three people from my past that I really get on with. You met two of them tonight. The third is kind of my ambassador for the rest of my past, since I can't cut them out of my life entirely."

He watched her silently mind whirring rapidly, "So you still love them but not really."

She nodded, "Yeah, shit happened and neither relationship ended well. There is no way that we can go back to what we used to be, despite some of their hopes."

House shifted in his seat, "Look, I hate mysteries, so just tell me straight."

Setting down the mug she looked at him, he should have gone running in the opposite direction about four hours ago…he didn't, "I like you, a lot. I've never done the fling thing, I never had that kind of time and I'm not going to change, so if you want out of this-whatever this is-I need to know. Like now."

Silence, God how it burned her, House set down his own glass and turned to directly face her. Before she could react his warm mouth was on hers and a warm tingly feeling spread through her gut and inched along her spine. His tongue traced her lips, Greg's hand wrapping around her waist and scooting her closer. Smiling softly into their first real kiss, it was nothing like the one they had shared in Stacy's presence. This was a slow building up tension not the quick jump from sitting to standing. Allowing her lips to part Buffy arched into House's touch and slid her hands around his back and up to the short hair at the back of his neck.

House's tongue flickered along the roof of her mouth and caressed her tongue, pressing and enfolding in the most delicious ways. At last he pulled back with a last bite of her lip but not relinquishing his hold on her. Relaxing against the couch Buffy smiled lazily, good was not a word used to describe a kiss like that.

Rolling her head sluggishly she looked at House with sleep laden eyes, "Interpret please, I'm very tired."

He chuckled hoarsely and pulled her closer until her head was resting on his shoulder, "Have Cameron explain it."

Buffy giggled softly and nudged Greg's shoulder, "No, you tell me."

There was that laugh again, it made those tingly feeling intensify, "You better not snore."

She laughed, "Bad history with snorers?"

House pouted and closed his eyes, "Yeah, Wilson, he's also a cover hog."

Buffy smiled and placed her hand over House's, "Poor baby."

"Damn right," Greg's warm, honey voice ebbed on the edge of her consciousness as they both slipped into blissful nothingness in each other's arms.

* * *

Despite how this chapter may sound, this is not the end. There are still approximately six chapters to go. I'm so happy that so many people are reading and enjoying this after all this time. I'm very excited to be getting to the end, and now that I've updated my plot and decided on a sequel I'm in the writing mood. Of course all reviews help me get in the mood. Seriously, if I could inject reviews into my bloodstream I would do it. Anyway thanks and review as always.


	24. Recnnecting

Sandwiched between something fluffy and something deliciously warm and hard, Buffy yawned as sleep ebbed from her mind. She was shocked back into darkness as several shrill noises hit her and she pressed her face against the warmth.

"House," someone yelled, "House, you need to get to the hospital. Cuddy is having puppies that you aren't here already. Oh whatever, call me when you get this."

That was it, she had fallen asleep at Greg's. So the warmth that was running up and down his back, precariously close to her ass, was House's hand.

"You couldn't have gotten that?"

Buffy knew he was awake, "No, I'm sound asleep."

"Uh-huh, well then I'll just go since you're not awake," moving to sit up House's arm snaked around her waist and dragged her closer to him.

"Need coffee."

"You better get up or I'm leaving," not really wanting to do that, just needing to move.

It did the trick, he rolled nimbly, for all his cripple-ness, to his feet, "I'm up. Oh, I really need coffee."

His hand to his temple Buffy couldn't help but laugh, "Come on, I could use some of that liquid black magic."

Taking his hand in hers she headed off to the kitchen. Picking up a bag of coffee she poured it into the machine and House handed her a pitcher of water. The machine set up Buffy hopped up onto the counter and fiddled with a steak knife that had been left out.

"So," House looked at her, "Where do we go from here?"

She couldn't help but giggle, "A very good question. Where do we go from here?"

House quirked an eyebrow at her, "I don't know, you're the one who has more experience in doing the relationship thing."

Scowling Buffy stuck her tongue out at him, "Yeah, dysfunctional relationships. Beats me, we kind of skipped the whole dating thing."

House grabbed two mugs from the cabinet and handed her one before he grabbed the now full pot of coffee, "So that's what we do."

Buffy kicked her feet out as House filled her cup, "Do what?"

"The dating thing," he said before swallowing a good dose of the slightly bitter hot drink.

Buffy nearly choked on her own mouthful, "The dating thing."

He nodded as he moved towards his room, "That's what I said. Stuck on repeat, Dearest?"

Buffy jumped off the counter, coffee in hand, "Oh, you just dated yourself buddy."

Greg stuck his head out of the door and shrugged, "Did I?"

Buffy swallowed and followed the line of bare flesh from his neck down, down, "See something you like?"

She whimpered and pouted at him, "Maybe. But I'll never tell."

"Fine," he retreated into his room, closing the door behind him.

Buffy's lip jutted out more noticeably, "I never said I didn't like the view," she called to him.

Chuckling floated out to her and she frowned, "Hey, you aren't supposed to tease me!"

"I'll try to remember for the future," Greg's voice carried before the shower turned on and the slayer was left to silence.

Ten minutes later when House stepped out of his room he found Buffy looking at a magazine, "Greg, you suck at hiding your porn."

House looked at her. Sure enough she was holding a copy of playboy, "Was that in a box in the fridge?"

She nodded, "Yeah, care to tell me why you keep porn cold?"

Greg shrugged, "Had to put it somewhere I'd look, Wilson left a bunch of his crap here from last time he lived here."

She laughed, "So where's your stash?"

"Work," he said as he plucked the magazine from her grip and tossed it back in the fridge.

"Of course, I keep my porn at work too," she rolled her eyes.

"My kind of girl," House slapped her ass.

She jumped, "That is a second date privilege, Mister."

House smirked, "Then you better punish me."

Buffy laughed through her smile, "Mmm, but if I punish you, I won't be the only one to. Cuddy might cut you to pieces and then where would I be."

House dumped both of their mugs in the sink, "I see your point. I have to go, but want to watch crappy TV when I get home?"

"It's a date, now I have to go do my actual job," the small blonde pulled the taller man towards the door before kissing him soundly and turning around to her own apartment.

"I can die happy. Is tonight our second date?"

Shrugging, Buffy unlocked her door, "I don't know."

"It is," he decided, "now I can do this," he smacked her ass before walking down the steps and to his bike.

"Hey!"

He grinned as he started the engine, "You like it."

Shaking her head Buffy opened her door and froze. Something was in her apartment, a vampire. It was either Angel or Spike, and judging from the smell of smoke and the black duster on the coat rack it was the latter. Sighing, her good mood abandoned her. Moving through her home, Buffy made her way to the bedroom. Yep there in her bed was a bleached blonde vampire snuggled up to a replacement Mr. Gordo.

She slammed the door shut and her ex shot up in bed, "What-who's there!"

Buffy snorted, "So, what are you doing?"

He looked like a deer caught in a headlight, "Um, well. You didn't come home last night."

"Nice, change the subject why don't you, Spike," Buffy crossed her arms under her chest.

Spike disentangled himself from the bedding and moved to stand in front of her, "I wanted to see you, I love you."

Her eyes softened slightly, "I still love you too, Spike, but we can't be together ever again."

He flinched, "I said I was sorry for what I did, I thought you forgave me."

"Spike, it is not that you tried to rape me. God, I mourned you for close to a year and you were alive that entire time. You didn't call me, I tell you I love you, and I'm not important enough to tell that you didn't die. That killed me all over," shaking her head, anger igniting in her gut.

Spike had stepped back again, "I-I…"

"Look, I love you that will never change. You're family and right that's what I need. I'm on the verge of something good, I just can't deal with having to mediate fights between you and Angel right now," swallowing spike looked down.

"The doctor? He's a good sort I guess, seems to like you quite a bit. He hurts you I'll kill him," Spike didn't wait for her to open her arms he just launched himself at her.

"Okay-air-Spike!"

He inched backwards, his eyes sparkling in a way that only the slayer knew as embarrassment, "Sorry, Pet."

"I may be the slayer, but I do need that pesky little thing like air."

He laughed, head cast down, "Yeah. Think I could crash until nightfall?"

"Yeah, but you should really use the guestroom," she pulled him to a second door beside her closet, "I had it done for any vamp guests I might have. Zero sunlight, and a fridge packed with blood."

"Thanks, Pet," Spike smiled again before closing the door.

Laying down on her bed, the slayer tried to relax and before she knew it she was asleep, maybe the past few days took more out of her than she thought. When she awoke, she checked to make sure Spike was still asleep before taking a shower and getting dressed. It was already two in the afternoon, sighing Buffy walked into the kitchen just as a knock came on the door, "With my luck it'll be Angel trying to make me see sense."

Slapping a smile on her face she swung the door open and saw Cuddy…her grin faltered for a fraction of a second before being set firmly in place, "Hello."

Cuddy wore a tight smile, "May I come in?"

Buffy nodded, "Of course."

She stepped aside and welcomed the Dean of Medicine into her home, "I hope I'm not bothering you, but we need to talk."

Buffy sat down on the couch, "What about?"

"House was more ornery today than he's been since he met you. I tried to talk to him about you, that made him go off," Cuddy sat down next to her and watched the cautious woman.

"Oh," was all the slayer could answer, "is this an intervention then?"

The immaculately made up woman pressed her artificially red lips together, "Yes, no, yes, kind of. Look, I have to look out for the best interest of my hospital that means my doctors. You've kept House from doing crazy things, you've go t him actually doing clinic hours, and this morning he showed up and took a case that normally he would think was boring. He hasn't gotten into trouble with the other doctors and he actually apologized when he ran into a nurse. Dr. Cameron told me he only took three vicodin so far today."

Buffy was puzzled, "Okay, what does that mean."

"I don't know where or how you got everyone to believe in vampires, but, I don't really care. You're good for House, so good that in my job as been easier than ever in the past few weeks. What I'm trying to say is you're welcome at the hospital, hell I'll pay you to keep House in line."

The other woman laughed slightly and Buffy couldn't help but join her, the absurdity that House seemed to calm down after years and years of trying was just too great.

After a few moments Buffy sighed, "Will you let me try to explain, Dr. Cuddy?"

"Lisa, call me Lisa."

"Alright, Lisa, how many cases do you get of barbecue forkings? Exsanguinations?"

Lisa looked at her hands for a moment before closing her eyes and grimacing, "One a month, sometimes two, but accidents happen."

"I might have believed that too, a good number of years ago, but vampires, they exist. The world didn't start out like the bible says. It was filled with demons, and when they died out, the last mixed its blood with a human-creating a vampire, who bit another and they spread like rabbits. There are plenty who've seen vampires and then rationalize it, trick of the light, smoke and mirrors. That's what I thought the first time I saw one, but the fact that he tried to sink his fangs into my jugular snapped my delusions pretty quickly."

Buffy and Lisa talked for a good hour, Lisa reluctantly coming around to the idea before her pager went off and she had to head to the hospital. Buffy waved her out the door and smiled, biggest obstacle at the moment down.

Flipping on the radio, Buffy started to dance and jump around to the rock channel, she hadn't done this in ages, but it felt good. Sliding across the wood floor of the kitchen she grabbed a bottle of coke and twisted the cap open. She moved around the room and straightened her books and knickknacks, all the while twirling to the beat of the Ramones and the Sex Pistols.

The phone rang and she flipped it up in the air before putting it to her ear, "Hey."

An amused voice met her ears, "What are you doing?"

House, a faint blush tinged her cheeks at being caught, "Nothing," she flipped the radio off and sat down.

"Liar, I heard _I Wanna Be Sedated_," Greg said in a mock stern voice.

Buffy pouted, "I'm not doing anything, I'm sitting here talking to you."

"And what were you doing before you were talking to me?"

"Dancing around my apartment," she relented.

House's warm chuckled sounded from the other end, "Ooh, sexy."

"Hey, wait a minute, why'd you call," she frowned.

"Cuddy just walked through the front doors of the hospital, I thought she might have gone to see you," voices were yelling at him in the background.

"Yeah, she was here."

"How did that go-Chase just slap Foreman and get over it. Sorry, Foreman stole Chase's jelly beans," she could tell he was smiling despite the stupidity of the argument going on behind him.

"It went well, everything is settled. You ate the jelly beans, didn't you?"

He laughed again, "Of course, but it is funny to watch Chase flip out, next week I'm going to steal his comb, want to help?"

"Not much better to do," a loud beep sounded in her ear, "I have to go, someone else is calling me. See you later?"

"If not I'll drug and kidnap you," House was still grinning as he hung up.

Buffy couldn't help but beam at the threat. She switched lines, "Hello?"

A slightly panicky male voice made her twitch, "Buffy? I miss you."

"Andrew," the slayer asked.

The ex-con whimpered, "Yes. When are you coming to visit? I need you to beat up Kennedy the über-witch with a b."

Buffy couldn't help but laugh him, "Andrew, you're 22, old enough to say bitch. Anyway, what did she do now?"

He started to sob slightly, "She melted all my Star Wars DVDs with a flamethrower! She said she needed targets."

Despite his über-geekiness, Buffy had come to care greatly for the younger male. He had stuck with her through thick and thin, he was basically her little brother nowadays, "I've been thinking about having you move down here with me. I could always use a little help on the research front."

"Really? I hate England, Willow and Xander are so mean to me."

Buffy was smiling again, "Really."

* * *

Wow, this one ended up being really long. Maybe it is because I finally got some sleep last night. Please review. Some news, there will be some time skipping in the next couple of chapters, nothing too bad, the Scooby's will show up and get what they deserve. Andrew will come see Buffy. Yup, so be happy I wrote a lot. I tried to get back towards lighthearted, so what do you think?


	25. Normality Has Been Reached

Brand new chapter, please review-desperate woman here.

* * *

Buffy waved happily as she moved past Cuddy's office, the dean of medicine smiling back at her. It had been three gloriously normal-by her standards-months. No visits from the Bleached and the Brooding, no phone calls from the Scooby Gang, no misdirected demons, no slayer dreams.

Cuddy had hired her on as House's assistant-to everyone's pleasure-so three days a week she "worked" at the hospital. She didn't mind, she got to spend time with her boyfriend. They were taking it slow, the honeymoon phase still casting a pretty red glow on everything.

Upstairs she slipped inside of Greg's dark office. She made to turn the lights on when a hiss from the far end stopped her, "Don't! Lock the door and come over here."

Rolling her eyes she flipped the lock and easily mad her way towards House's form, draped in his chair. Buffy couldn't help but be thankful for good old slayer sight.

She dropped onto the cushy footstool next to the chair, then it hit her, House wasn't doing anything, "What did you do now?"

She watched him shrug, "Don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, and I'm the Dali Lama. Now try it again, here you are, a hottie and you have the lights off-call me crazy but it doesn't scream innocence."

Again he shrugged. About to speak he was cut off by a rattling bang on the glass door,

"House! House, get out here right now!"

The voice was familiar, "What did you do to Wilson now?"

Her boyfriend sunk even lower in his chair as the noise grew louder, "I might have super glued Barbie heads to the top of his computer."

House knew she wouldn't be mad, amused most definitely. Three months of dates and he still wasn't bored of her, quite the opposite, he was nearly insufferable when she wasn't around. Reaching over, he laid his hand on her shoulder and twirled one blonde lock of hair around his finger.

"Barbie? Really? Should have guessed, please tell me you got some photos."

Grinning in the dark the man moved his hand to cup the side of his girlfriend's head stroking her jaw gently with his thumb, "Yep, I also stole twenty bucks from his desk to pay for them too."

She laughed, "You're kind of evil, good to know I'm staying true to character with my men."

He was smiling but his voice was all seriousness, "Oh, about that, I'm Chase's man-whore."

She scowled, "That bitch!"

Their laughter filled the unnoticed silence before a colossal thump made the pair jump. Buffy's gaze snapped to the door behind them, Wilson was plastered against the sliding glass door the blinds doing little to shield the sight.

"You have a big bird stuck to your window, Babe," House twisted in his chair to see.

He shuddered, "Luckily, I have clinic in ten minutes, let's have my employer clean up that."

Stretching as she rose, Buffy smiled, "Cuddy?"

Turning the light on, he shook his head and enjoyed the smooth expanse of skin that the limber woman in front of him was displaying, "Chase."

Moving past the doctor she unlocked the door and strode into the hallway, "Apparently that collar is always at the forefront of your mind."

"You know it. I'm just glad I found an assistant that looked so god in leather. Cameron just can't pull it off,"

"You are so lucky," putting a little extra sway into her walk she heard house groan.

Leaning heavily on his cane, House moved quickly to come level with her before speaking, "Why exactly am I lucky?"

Looking at the scruffy man the slayer quirked an eyebrow, "That cute ass is the only thing saving you."

He smiled cutely, "Ooh, sweet, sweet leverage."

Continuing towards the clinic in silence, the pair threw playful glares and smirks at each other. Greg trying to cop a feel the entire time-not that Buffy minded. Shoving the door to the clinic open he held it so his girl could enter.

Turning to the nurse he looked at his watch, "Dr. House checking in, 8:55."

He seemed really proud of himself, Buffy just covered her grin when the nurse rolled her eyes and handed her the first chart, "Room five."

The slayer tucked her arm around the Doctors and headed toward the room, "Come on Mr. Responsible. Time to go save the world, wouldn't want your nemesis Mr. Irresponsible to make a comeback."

"Of course not," he whipped the exam room door open and he smiled just a bit evilly, "What seems to be the problem?"

The plastic blonde in the room looked at them and put down the nail polish she was using, "Are you the doctor?"

Buffy opened the file and resisted the urge to laugh. House didn't stop smiling, "No, I just wandered in from the deli. My wife is upstairs giving birth."

The bottle blonde's mouth was open in confusion. The natural blonde slapped the back of his head as she walked past him, "This is Dr. House, Anna, right?"

She nodded, "If he's the doctor who are you?"

"Assistant," Buffy supplied.

Smirking, House leaned against the counter and started to fiddle with his cane, "What seems to be the problem?"

Capping the polish, she pulled her shirt up to expose her stomach. Both Doctor and Assistant wanted to flinch.

The girl seemed almost scared, "What's wrong with me?"

Her navel was a green gray color and in spots it had crusted over, underneath the swollen discolored flesh a silver ring peeked out.

House opened the drawer he was standing next to and pulled out the prescription pad. His ever famous are-you-really-that-dumb look had spread across his face as he wrote, "Your piercing, is infected. This is for a cleanser, follow the directions on it. He handed her the paper and started to limp for the door, "And for the love of god, tell your boyfriend to stop doing whatever it is he's doing to your stomach!"

He closed the door behind Buffy and slung his free hand around her waist, "What's next Nurse Buffy?"

It was her turn to smirk, "Dirty little secret?"

"Only if you're going to dress up, Baby."

"Mm, aren't you optimistic, room seven now, Buster."

Two hours and twenty-three patients later found Buffy and House taking a "well" deserved break for lunch in exam room three. General Hospital played out before them. They spoke along with the television. Making faces and acting out exclamations.

Cuddy and House's ducklings were headed up to talk to a potential patient, Cuddy being the deciding factor because House was no where to be found supposedly. The chart was being passed between the four as they passed a large group at the front desk. The woman manning the desk was on her feet trying to get her point across to the rather unruly group.

Telling Chase, Cameron, and Foreman to hold on a minute she moved over to the group, "Is there a problem here?"

Five of the six heads whipped to face her. The older gentleman stepped forward and removed his glasses, "Yes. We're here to see Buffy Summers. I'm afraid we were only just informed she was in the hospital."

Folding her arms across her chest Lisa frowned, she didn't like these people, "I fail to see why the phone wouldn't do."

The redheaded woman glared at her, "These are visiting hours, do you, or don't you have a Buffy Summers registered?"

Slipping behind the desk she motioned for the attendant to take a break, looking at the screen for a moment she started to think, "No."

A man with an eye patch put his hand roughly on a stack of papers, "Check all of the Jane Does."

Having no intention of doing anything she stood and frowned at the group, "Who are you people?"

The man who first spoke step forward again, "We're friends of Buffy."

Over the past three months she and Buffy had become closer, and Lisa didn't believe these were the type of people Buffy was friends with. The protective side of her kicked in and she swallowed before writing a note, "What are your names?"

A tall, silent brunette stepped forward, "I'm Buffy's sister Dawn. That's Xander, Willow, Giles, Kennedy, oh, and Andrew."

Motioning the security guard and the ducklings over she turned to the threesome first, "I forgot, I need you three to go see the patient in exam room three," she grabbed a file and paper clipped the note to the front before handing it to chase and turning back to the security guard, "These six are to remain here until further notice."

Sitting back down she waited for whatever signal Buffy gave her.

A soft knock on the door caused House to groan and pull away from the warm kiss, "Come in."

His response was sharp, but when one had a gorgeous blonde pressed flush against oneself on and exam table one gets a little leeway.

The door cracked open and three people marched in, House whimpered and Buffy smothered her laughter in House's chest.

Chase arched an eyebrow at the pair, "Cuddy is playing covert ops now she sent us here with a message. "Buffy-Six people claiming to be your friends are here. Dawn, Xander, Willow, Giles, Kennedy, and Andrew. They believe you to be hospitalized. I have them at the main desk." Did we know about these people?"

House had tightened his grip around Buffy's waist as soon as she tensed. He recognized the names-Andrew in particular. From what she had said about these people they weren't exactly saints.

Sighing heavily, the slayer stretched in preparation for battle. Her bones popped as she rolled her neck and twisted her torso. Hopping off the table she bit the inside of her cheek, creating hollows that filled with shadows. A warm hand on her back eased some of the tension that was curling in her gut. A warm calm surged through her.

She gave the four weak smile she went to face the wolves. She had a bit of distance on the four when they decided to follow.

Reaching the lobby the slayer sidled up to the group and cleared her throat, "Can I help you?"

All of them turned to look at her and Cuddy raised an eyebrow, Giles stepped forward, "Thank goodness, are you alright?"

Buffy just tilted her head to the side, not happy at the sight of her past, "Why wouldn't I be? How _did_ you find out I was here?"

Willow gave her perky tight lipped smile, "Your neighbor said you were at the hospital."

Buffy put her hands on her hips, "Yeah, key word "at" not "in"," her voice was scathing in an any-idiot way.

Kennedy made a half snort half choking noise before scowling at the oldest slayer, "Why else would you be in a hospital."

Cameron, Chase, Foreman, and House appeared in the lobby. Buffy just stood there and glared at her friends, but it seemed lost on them.

House started towards them, trying not to lean on his cane, "Miss Summers is my assistant."

The brunette with the upturned nose eyed him disgustedly, "Who asked you, cripple," the last bit was said under her breath but both House and Buffy had heard it."

Giles frowned at the girl before turning back to House, "And who, may I ask, are you?"

"Dr. House, and no, even I can't cure the rat in that one's ass," he shoved his towards Kennedy's chest.

Gile's face clouded in confusion and then amazement, "Dr. Gregory House? You're unparalleled in your field. Even in Europe."

He spun on his heel to face Cuddy, "You see, now can I have a big screen TV in my office?"

She scowled, "Keep doing your clinic hours and we'll talk."

Still staring at the group Buffy frowned, "He has enough of an ego already. What are you doing here?"

Xander looked at her with his one eye, "The geek said he was moving to New Jersey."

Andrew half whimpered, "I'm sorry, Buffy. I tried to stop them but I couldn't."

"Its okay, Andrew," she shrugged. She didn't blame her friend, "Why is Andrew moving out here an issue?"

Silence descended. Apparently none of the geniuses could come up with a reason that wouldn't blow their cover.

Stepping towards her again, Giles cleared his throat, "Dear girl, you should have talked to us before you made this decision."

"Why did you really come?"

He was wiping his glasses again, "There is a threat. You have to come back to England.

Dawn touched her arm, "Buffy we're your friends, your family."

A slow smile spread across her lips and she was suddenly very thankful for the silent support of Greg, Cuddy, Foreman, Cameron, and Chase.

"Oh, you guys…," her voice was soft, sweet, "You haven't been my friends or family since the night you kicked me out. If things are so bad, Kennedy can deal with it, she seems to think she's "The One". I'm out. When I get a direct message, then I'll help. I won't be your scapegoat anymore," her voice was ruthless, "Andrew is staying here as my friend. That's all I have to say to. Leave. Come on Andrew, I want to introduce you to some people," tucking her arm around the Star Wars fan she grabbed House and led the pair over to her three other friends.

Behind her the group was in chaos. She could hear Xander, Willow, and Giles half cursing her half calling her back. Kennedy was silent but for calling Buffy several unsavory things under her breath. Dawn on the other hand was trying the good old guilt trip, "You owe me, Buffy. You can't just walk away from this, you owe me, us!"

Buffy closed her eyes. She didn't owe that ball of green anything. She died for memories, for her so called sister. She had two sets of memories, ones with Dawn, and ones without, Buffy favored her unaltered ones. They were real. Dawn was dead to her.

It wasn't blood or memories that made family. It was love, loyalty, trust. Things her _sister_ had conveniently forgotten that night.

"I think it's time you left. Ms. Summers clearly didn't want to see you. Security, if you would please escort them off the premises. I strongly suggest you do not contact Ms. Summers again, or return to this hospital," Cuddy's voice had a steely quality she usually reserved especially for House.

As soon as she felt them leave the hospital, Buffy's smile broadened, "Everyone this is Andrew Wells, my absolute best friend. Andrew, this is Allison Cameron, Robert Chase, Eric Foreman, and over there we have Lisa Cuddy."

Andrew shyly waved hello to her friends, the short blonde couldn't help but smile.

A jab to her side made her squeal, "Hey, what was that for?"

House narrowed his eyes, "Forget someone?"

"Andrew, this is my boss/neighbor/boyfriend, Gregory House. But we just call him House, or the Ass," Buffy smirked.

House sighed and wrapped his arm around Buffy, "Hey Ducklings, go take Andrew to meet Wilson. Oh, yeah, Chase, he may be plastered to my window," he told them using Buffy's nickname for the threesome.

In his extremely Australian surfer boy way he brushed his bangs out of his eyes and frowned like he had smelled rotten eggs, "I don't want to know do I?"

He turned and Cameron and Foreman joined him in leading Andrew away.

Buffy leaned into House, wrapping her own arm around his waist, "I could sleep for a million years after today."

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and inhaled her distinctly vanilla and almost sweet citrus scent, "Speaking of sleeping, where is the kid staying?"

"My place," even her voice sounded tired.

"You know," he gave her a squeeze, "Maybe you should move in with me that way Andrew can just take your apartment and he'll be nearby."

"Mhm," she practically moaned as her eyes slipped closed in exhaustion, "Is that your only reason."

"Well that and I kind of got attached to you. You know, love and all that stuff," he shrugged it off."

She stiffened slightly, "No, I don't know. It's been a really long day you should just tell me."

"I'm in love with you, Buffy," his confidence had plummeted, something he had never really experienced.

Relaxing even more she snuggled her head into his chest, "I love you too," gathering herself she straightened and walked off towards the elevator, "Oh, and fine I'll move in with you, but only because I don't want to live in _Nerd-Central_."

He laughed and limped after her.

* * *

Mmm, sorry for the wait. I got a huge case of writers block and I couldn't figure out a way to fix it. Luckily I'm doing a marathon tomorrow and I decided to pull an all nighter. So here we go. One extra long chappie. Please review. It really helps me see what I can do to make it better plot and characterization wise.

I'd also like to thank all of my many reviewers. I never thought this would have such a following, but it does. SO thanks to al of you.


	26. The Significance of Statues

Sorry for the wait, please review, i like to hear what people think...especially as we draw to a close, still a chapter or two to go.

Those words. Sometimes she wondered if, when he was staring at her, he was staring right through her. Seeing the shadow of who he had been, how he had gotten here. The way his startlingly blue eyes glazed slightly not from the copious pills he consumed, but from the pain he tried to squelch, made her breathing shallow.

She was good at watching, she had watched so much in the past near decade of her life. She was good at faking it too-faking that she was alright, that she was oblivious to it all. Truth was it was all she could do not to let the worry and pain reach her eyes even though she smiled. Her throat would tighten in those moments, and her eyes would become heavy with restrained tears.

The other times it was as if nothing was going on but what was seen. The smiles seemed real, the laughter and sarcasm legitimate. She knew better, it festered beneath the façade, the pain.

God, she loved him. But the way he looked at her at times she wanted to cry. Maybe not for herself, sometimes for him, and sometimes just because she could do nothing else she cried.

Those eyes framed by lines and the dark mop of hair that was as unkempt as the three day old shirts he wore during cases. The stubble that was peppered with grey contrasting pleasantly with the softness of his skin, everything about him was interesting.

She loved him, god she couldn't help it. Still, there was a bitter taste on her tongue she never let show. The bitterness that Angel had left her with, the expectancy that this relationship would fail. He wasn't anything like Angel, okay so there were similarities, but he didn't feel like Angel.

This relationship was doomed her head said, her heart was sure it wasn't.

It didn't feel doomed. She could tell he didn't fully accept vampires and all that came in her luggage, but he didn't call her crazy-well he had, but he had come around. He didn't feel the need to fill the silence, he didn't pressure her, and he didn't tell her how bad he was for her even though she knew he thought that sometimes.

Snapping back to reality as a sharp buzzing alerted her to the pizza delivery boy being here. Grinning she slid across the wood floor and pulled the door open. Pizza in hand she turned back to her friends. They were packing up her trinkets and weapons-well her prized weapons, Andrew was reorganizing all of her demony books and amulets.

Greg set down his cane and her box of DVD's and snatched a piece of pizza from the box. Buffy playfully slapped his hand and scowled at him.

"Who taught you manners?"

He shrugged, "Pig? Think his name was Napoleon or something fascist like that."

Rolling her eyes she put the pizza on the coffee table, "I should have known. Alright, break time, food is here."

Cuddy, Wilson, Cameron, Chase, and Foreman, all had the day off, thanks in large to Cuddy, and were helping move Buffy into Greg's apartment.

Three days and counting of freedom from her past-save Andrew, it seemed that the danger was enough to make them abandon her for now. That sinking feeling in her gut told her it would not last for that long.

Dropping bonelessly onto the couch she quirked an eyebrow at Chase who was staring blankly at a small statuette.

"What is this?"

Andrew leaned over his shoulder to look, "Oh, that's an African fertility statue, also pretty good in curses if the owner hasn't gotten pregnant."

Cameron grinned at Chase, "Do you want one of your own, not getting as much bang for the buck these days?"

Chase looked between Buffy and Cameron, "What? No! Why do you have one?"

"It was handed down to me from a slayer in the 70's, she says it is lucky-well at least it was for her," a Mona Lisa smile played on her pink lips.

"Oh," Andrew's mouth formed an 'O' before he rolled his eyes and smiled, "You mean the bag, and the demon…and the whole Robin thing."

She nodded, "Yep, pretty much."

Wilson quirked an eyebrow and set the throwing star he was examining down, "I think I speak for everyone when I say 'Hyugh?'."

House snorted, and the others looked at him, they had never seen Wilson so…unarticulated.

Andrew's eyes lit up and his hands began to move emphatically of their own accord, "Oh, story time! Come on Buffy, please."

Eyes shifted to the slayer, "Fine, but a short one. I want to get the rest of this stuff moved today."

The others settled around the coffee table and dug into the midday meal.

"Hmm, okay where should I start. Maybe…okay. Every slayer has a death wish. We wake up every day with only one question on our minds: Is today the day I die? We fight hard, and we know we have an expiration date. Part of us wants to know that peace…eventually the desperation takes over…and that's it. Death.

"It was New York City, the 70's, her name was Nikki Wood. She had a son…something very rare, her watcher wasn't blinded by the council, he raised the boy, and taught him to survive. His mother died.

"Every slayer has a death wish. Even me, but I know how to keep it at bay. I grab onto whatever life I can. Where once there was one, there are many, but that desire is ingrained in us. So by making family where I can, I extend my life even if by mere moments," Buffy finished lamely.

Cuddy was frowning, "So, does the statue actually work?"

"Well, I haven't been with a human in ages. At least since before the whole glory thing, but yeah, it does."

House poked her side and she jumped slightly, "Don't make me handcuff you to our bed."

Chase swallowed his food, "Handcuffs?"

Buffy nodded and reached a hand into the couch cushions and pulled out a pair of silver cuffs, "Yep."

House was grinning.

Cameron had a little smile playing on her lips, "Where did you get those?"

Her eyes rolled skyward as she tried to think, "Um, I think these were from when I was seventeen, stupid cop."

Andrew smiled, "Oh, Spike told me about that, was it when you two made your first truce?"

She nodded, "Yep."

The oncologist scratched the back of his neck, "Have any other stories?"

Buffy nodded, "Plenty, I'm thinking I could write an entire series on my escapades. I once slit a demon-dude's throat with an ice skate, and I beat an invisible girl, and I was the invisible girl once too. Man my life is complicated."

She slumped onto Greg's shoulder, "Shoot me…wait, been there, done that, got my shirt trashed."

The deep thrum of his laughter made her warm and fuzzy all over, "All we have left is the boxes in the bedroom, and a few more boxes of Spock's stuff, then we can watch Japanese game shows in bed."

Growling lowly, Buffy stood up and walked into her bedroom. Her warm sheets had been replaced by lightsaber and Yoda sheets, this wasn't her home anymore. The bed was bare except for a box of pictures, and tiny mementos, including Mr. Gordo. Sighing she tucked her leg under her as she sat on the mattress and flipped through the box.

Not bothering to look up at the soft squeak of House's cane as he walked into the room and closed the door behind him, Buffy sniffed slightly.

"What's wrong," his voice had lost its normal gruffness.

"Nothing," she denied not looking at him.

Buffy knew he was rolling his eyes at her, "Everybody lies, I just wish you didn't with me. What's wrong?"

"What…what if all I'm ever meant to be is the slayer. That's all I've ever really been. It was my safety net. I knew that if anything happened, slaying would always be there. Now, it feels like the net is more of a box, and it's closing in on me," her voice was soft, hesitant.

"If I wasn't a doctor, I would just be a miserable cripple, more miserable than I am now. The point is, sometimes what keeps us sane is just temporary until we can find something more permanent," he sat down beside her, leaning back and tucking his hands under his head.

She laughed a bit wetly, "Is that your way of saying everything will be okay, 'cause your speech needs work."

Buffy flopped down next to him and rolled onto her side and rested her head on his chest.

"Mm, it sounded good in my head, but then so does super gluing Wilson's hands to his cheeks. I can't believe he actually has Star Wars sheets, didn't he get beat up enough in school?"

Shrugging, the girl snuggled closer to the warmth, "Meh, at least I know he won't ditch me for somebody cooler. Unless Foreman has been keeping something from us, he isn't like a descendant of George Lucas-or something like that, is he?"

"No, but I believe we could have nerd fights, I have a ten on Andrew that says he fights like a girl," House wrapped his arm around Buffy's waist and pulled her as close as humanly possible.

"You don't screw with him, he may be stuck in his comic books, but he isn't above withholding sugary goodness. Also, he can do a bit of mojo," Buffy pouted.

Raising herself slightly she placed her lips on his. She pulled back after a second before nipping lightly at his bottom lip, his hands slid down her sides and anchored on her hips. He smiled against her kisses, before reciprocating and biting her back.

A moment later she sat astride his hips, bent down in a kiss, one of his hands crawling lazily under her shirt. He shifted slightly to get better purchase on her back and she moaned deeply into his mouth, he smirked and trailed his free hand down her backside before pulling it around to play along her hip and across the button of her pants.

Buffy's hands were firmly rooted in his dark hair, as her tongue flashed across his lips before she nibbled along his jaw and down his neck. She hummed against his pulse point as one hand freed itself and worked the collar of his shirt, opening the top three buttons easily. New flesh exposed the slayer moved downwards, lips leaving a steaming trail across the doctor's chest.

Breathing heavily she twisted her hips slightly and reclaimed his lips urgently. His ever tightening grip on her waist and the wandering hand leaving warm curls of lust on her abdomen having the wanted outcome, he kissed her back.

A sharp knock on the door made them pull apart breathlessly, Buffy squeezed her eyes closed.

"We're ready for the last boxes," Chase's accent drifted into the room.

Greg pulled her wrist to his lips and bit it gently, "Ignore him."

As much as she wanted to, as much as she wanted to indulge, Buffy gritted her teeth unhappily and rolled off of him to lay beside him.

"Andrew would kill me if we had sex on his favorite sheets…and as far as weird stuff goes with sex, I think that having sex on these sheets is a whole other level of kinky I refuse to do," sighing again she straightened her clothing and sat up.

House continued to lay there, "You do still want to move in with me, right?"

She reached down and buttoned the shirt again, "Yeah, I think so. This is just a first. I've never lived with a boyfriend before. It's kind of new territory and I don't want to screw this up, because god forbid, I'm actually happy."

Greg's face lit up with an arrogant grin, "I'm really that handsome?"

The blonde scowled, "Cram it, you may be ruggedly handsome and admittedly hot capitalized, but I'll tell them your darkest secret."

His face was wiped clean and he shot up on the bed, "You wouldn't."

"Oh, wouldn't I," she smiled innocently and started for the door, "Just imagine the damage it would do to your crotchety reputation."

She stalked out of the bedroom and found Andrew informing their friends of a demon that actually resembles Darth Mal. Foreman looked mildly intrigued.

Cameron turned to look Buffy when she joined them, "Is everything alright?"

The shorter girl nodded, "Peachy, I just can't wait for this day to end. I just want to snuggle up in bed with some tea and the remote."

Cuddy moaned, "I wouldn't say no to that. This has been a long day. I don't know how you can stand House for more than two hours. He's like a child on pixie sticks."

"I resent that," House limped into the room, "I only had one today."

Buffy frowned, "Yeah, but only because I hid the rest of them."

Wilson turned from the magic-medical text he had found, "We have pixie sticks?"

Chase, Foreman, and Andrew looked at them at that, "Pixie sticks," all three asked.

The three women groaned, Cuddy rubbed her eyes, "I think the hospital is going to need Pixie Sticks Anonymous."

Cameron nodded at the likelihood, "They probably have stashes in the hospital."

Buffy laughed, "Pixie Sticks…the next Cocaine?"

The boys half pouted half scowled, House stuck his tongue out at his girlfriend, "I'll find them…even if I have to torture the information out of you."

Buffy sighed, "I hide his porn at work-nothing, threaten his pixie sticks and we're reenacting the Spanish Inquisition."

House scowled again, "This means war."

The three women rolled their eyes, "Okay, bring it on."

Greg motioned for the guys to retreat, apparently the hiding of sugary goodness was an act of terrorism.

After a moment of furtive whispering Wilson looked at them, "Okay, we're willing to offer a truce, you give up the goods, and we'll finish moving everything."

"Deal," all three said at once, not willing to let go of the chance to relax.

The guys high-fived excitedly and hurriedly began moving the last few boxes from one apartment to the other and unpacking them while Allison, Lisa, and Buffy relaxed on the couch and talked about the upcoming shopping trip they had scheduled.

Fifteen minutes later a shoe box filled to the brim with colorful paper tubes changed hands and four guys dug into the box. The fifth pulled his girlfriend off the couch and led her across the hall to their apartment.

Inside he pulled her into a hug after locking the door, together they stood just inside their home, because it was finally sinking in. They weren't really two people anymore, their lives were interlocked.

The sun had sunk lower in the sky, and the apartment was dark except for a few lamps.

Hand held tightly in hers, Buffy led House to their bedroom and bounced up onto the bed. She smiled sheepishly before she tugged him onto the bed beside her.

He gave her a puzzled look before capturing her lips in a gentle kiss, she broke away and grinned, "No Star Wars sheets."

He chuckled, the noise shooting through her and making her giggle giddily, "No Star Wars Sheets," he affirmed.

Shoes were hastily kicked off and the slayer found herself pressed pleasantly into the mattress.

His teeth scraped the shell of her ear and she shuddered, "Are you sure about this," Greg asked, voice notably huskier than normal.

She moaned as fire curled in her belly and her legs tensed in anticipation, "Mhm, yes, yes, please."

His long fingers played across her bare skin and inched her shirt higher as her fingers found the edges of his own shirt and slid underneath. She reveled in the feel of smooth, hard muscle covered by warm flesh.

Every motion only served to rile her farther, "Not fair," she whimpered as his nimble fingers dusted across the underside of her breasts, teasing her.

He smiled not showing any teeth but shrugged his shoulders nonetheless, "All is fair in love and war."

She groaned as he pulled away from her, "You suck."

He smirked again, god she loved that, it made her tense and happy all at the same time. Running her fingers up his back she dug her nails in as he swooped down and laved kisses across the top of her breasts. He would have furrows where she marked him tomorrow. Buffy's hips tilted of their own volition, seeking the friction her aroused body so desired.

House pressed her more firmly into the bed, halting her movements. She could have easily gotten free, but where was the fun in that.

Breathing erratic she arched against him, back losing contact with the bed, her head lolling back. Her gaze came to rest on the shelf next to the bed. A certain fertility statue stood proudly. She quirked an eyebrow and tried to suppress the whimpers that Greg was drawing out of her so easily.

"Is that what I think it is," she nodded her head at the shelf.

Lifting his head from his task, House spared the statue a glance before shrugging it off and kissing the woman he loved, "I figure it can't hurt. We have to grab onto everything in life we can, don't we?"

She laughed softly, "Yeah. But if you get me pregnant, you get to explain the birds and the bees to Andrew."

That startled a laugh out of him, "Hmm, well I guess It's a risk I'll have to take."

* * *

Mmm, okay, this is as close to a sex scene as your going to get. Point is, they have sex for the first time. Hope you enjoyed. Sorry for the wait, I've been procrastinating. But good news is that my school was hit by lightening, so a ten by 15 foot hole was made in the roof and I got a bit excited and my muse showed up. So, a twist freak of nature is to blame for this.


	27. Evolutionary

Oh Yeah, Last Chapter of this Story!

* * *

Buffy groaned as a sharp beeping filled the darkened room, "Can I kill it?"

The warm body half wrapped around her shook with silent laughter, "Let's play hooky, we can have Andrew call us in sick."

"Greg, you know that he lies badly, Cuddy would know we were faking."

He sighed, "Fine, but if I'm going to work we're doing something fun instead of working."

"After you do your clinic hours," Buffy yawned and rolled out of bed.

House flailed an arm after her, "Come on."

"So far as I know, clinic is after GH."

"Yeah, yeah, but after General Hospital we skip out and take a nap in our office or something fun like that. Please," lower lip defiantly stuck out the older man rolled onto his stomach and rested his chin on his arms.

Resolve fading quickly, the slayer scrunched her nose up, "We'll see how you feel about that later," Buffy responded evasively.

"You're way too perky in the mornings, damn slayer powers, maybe I should start slipping you sleeping pills with your morning coffee," Greg mused.

The blonde woman shrugged, "At least you gave me warning."

"Damn straight, I learned my lesson with Wilson. If you don't warn them, they don't warn you," wincing as he sat up, House reached out to wrap an arm around his seven-months-and-some-odd-days girlfriend and inhaled her vanilla scent.

Surprisingly he liked the smell, he wasn't a big fan of perfume and fruity smells, they hid things. Her natural fragrance was something that he missed when she wasn't around. The shirts she wore of his were unwashed when he wore them the next day.

Unsurprisingly he abhorred smelling vanilla on any other woman, to the point where he would snarl and his sarcasm would rate a seven on the Richter scale.

Vanilla was for her alone. Buffy was the only one that it seemed to suit.

He had come to associate the soft, almost warm smell with happiness, with love. In general he wasn't a touchy feely, cuddle after sex type of guy, he was the love them and leave them type. The slight musk and tang mixed with vanilla after sex had induced him to enjoying cuddling immensely-not, that he would tell anyone that.

It felt right when her small frame was locked against his side, her slight weight pressing against him, trusting him to hold her up. It was nice, a nice he hadn't know in a long time, a nice that even Stacy could never compare to.

Like most mornings today was spent in a comfortable silence, a bit of banter and then the stimulating ride to work on his motorcycle.

A peck on his scruffy cheek, and a wave to Wilson and his girlfriend had slipped from his grasp.

"Don't forget to go to clinic, I'll have one the nurses call you before your due just as a reminder," Buffy called as she backed down the hallway and towards a waiting Chase and Cameron.

"Yeah, yeah, what are you doing today?"

"Cuddy wanted me to help out in the children's ward-apparently they're shorthanded."

Sighing, the doctor tipped his cane in his blonde woman's direction and limped towards the elevator. Despite having to work today, he was in a surprisingly good mood. His leg had been acting up less and less. Not believing much about the psycho something possibilities, he ignored the "progress".

Chase lightly embraced the tiny blonde woman and followed her and Cameron down the hall.

"Mission," Buffy asked grinning.

Chase smiled and dipped down to ear level, "Fait accompli."

"Excellent," Buffy purred, "But Latin?"

Cameron laughed at her friend, "I swear, the devil himself is less evil-or do we prefer wicked today-than you."

Buffy pouted prettily, a smile playing just out of reach, "I'm not the only mastermind behind this little prank. Equal participation, equal guilt."

Rolling his eyes Chase stopped at a Nurse's station and poured Buffy a cup of coffee and pressing it into her hands, "The schedule is switched, and I got Dr. MacContair to agree, and Cameron convinced the nurse on call that the only free room happened to be the one with a broken TV," Cameron winked and smiled proudly.

Sipping the black, steaming liquid, the Slayer grinned, "Okay, I have the nurse calling House down for his shift, Cameron, is Cuddy on standby?"

Allison nodded, her dark hair falling in her eyes, "Cuddy is on call in case House needs reigning. So we're all done."

Chase muttered his agreement, "You realize you're playing with fire, right?"

Clapping him on the shoulder, Buffy turned down a side corridor and called over her shoulder, "Hey, I'm the original fire-starter!"

Practically chugging the last of her coffee, Buffy hesitated outside of the children's ward, she didn't really know if she wanted to do this. Oh, Cuddy was in on her and Wilson's little scheme, but couldn't she have been occupied elsewhere? Walking through the brightly painted archway, the slayer waved to the children who were playing and nodded her head at the attending nurse.

One of the doctors walked towards her and stretched out his hand, "You must be Ms. Summers, I'm Patrick Janeson, but you can call me Jane."

Buffy shook the man's hand and smiled tightly, "Sure, but only if you call me Buffy."

Jane Put and arm around her back and guided her into the waiting room, "Dr. Cuddy told me you were fluent in several languages, do you happen to know mandarin?"

"I do, and ni hao."

Jane chuckled slightly, "Excellent, I have a family who only speaks mandarin, and I need someone to help me out."

"Sure," Buffy nodded finally thankful for the experience of dealing with Chao-Ahn.

Halfway across the hospital, Gregory House placed his usual order for vicodin and played his game boy, after briefly wondering where his staff had gotten to. Wilson had scurried off after ten minutes of conversation, lying about having an early meeting, and his girlfriend was suddenly being helpful-well that wasn't all that extraordinary. Point was, he was alone, and bored, and he was anxious.

Picking his phone up and cradling it to his ear, House dialed and waited for the connection to go through.

"Hello?"

Greg sighed, "Yeah. I'm looking for Spike."

The bubbly receptionist squeaked, "Who may I ask is calling?"

"Just tell him it's the doctor."

"Okay, hold for a minute…SPIKEY! Some doctor man is on the phone."

A frustrated groan came through the line and then a cool British accent, "What do you need?"

"New girlfriend…Spikey?"

"Oh, shut up, Greggy. Besides, she's an EX-girlfriend. Now what can I do for you?"

"Do you think she loves me?"

The bleach blonde vampire groaned in mild disgust, "Eugh, you sound like Peaches."

Greg exhaled heavily, "Just answer the question, Spike."

"Did she say she loves you," Spike asked tiredly.

Greg shrugged and tossed his tennis ball into the air, "She said it, but everybody lies."

"Look, I know you love the girl, but there is a lot you still have to learn about her. When she says something like that, she's telling the truth. When Buffy loves, she loves with her whole heart. She's not into flings, and she certainly hasn't ever had a relationship that she didn't want to last forever. I guess this is one of those conversations that I tell you again, you hurt her, they won't find your body, they won't even find the pieces of pieces. That all then, I'll be off to annoy the Great Poofy one. Oh, and she does love you-seems I just had this conversation with her a few days ago," Spike grinned tightly and slammed the phone down.

Pursing his lips, House scratched his cheek lapsed into thought. His life had changed dramatically in less than a year. He used to be commitment phobic, and now he was in a relationship where he didn't care if she lived with him, and she didn't yell at him when he drank straight from the milk bottle. Pain and puzzles used to be his only joy and thought, but now he spent 85 percent of his time thinking about her-more if there wasn't a case, a bit less if there was. His team was collapsing in on itself-his damage earlier in their employment had festered and started to rot away the support beams. There was such good in her, and he was killing things.

Picking up the phone, this time because it was ringing, Greg snapped at the caller, "What?"

"You have clinic in five minutes Dr. House."

Before he could retort he got the dial tone, "Well that wasn't very nice."

Using his well-shined cane, he limped into the hall and dropped into a deserted wheelchair. Snickering the supposed adult raced down the hall popping wheelies as he went. Jamming his cane into the elevator button he grinned as Wilson came to stand next to him.

"What, did Buffy break you last night?"

Greg's eyebrows raised, "Very nearly-and no, I'm not sharing."

Wilson smiled tightly and cleared his throat, "So, what is the good mood about? Did a puppy die?"

Rolling into the elevator car, Wilson behind him, House pressed the button and stared at the now closed door, "No, I'm going to ask her to marry me."

Wilson's eyes widened comically and he slowly twisted to look at his friend, head jutting forward slightly, "What," he asked slowly.

House sighed and looked at him, "I'm going to ask her to marry me."

Wilson didn't move, "Who are you and what have you done with House."

"I'm being serious. I drive people away, I know it, you know it. I…love her, alright, and I figure if she's stuck around me this long and doesn't hate me I shouldn't let her get away."

"Holy crap," James pulled a hand through his hair in shock, "Wh-ho-when did you-when are you going to ask?"

"You're being a girl about this, and keep your mouth shut to her."

Putting his hands up defensively, Wilson smiled, "So, when are you going to ask her?"

"This afternoon."

"Oh my God, oh my God. Do you have the ring?"

Digging into his jacket pocket House pulled out a velvet box opening it he showed Wilson the diamond, "So?"

Wilson was still grinning, "You're getting married."

"You think she'll like it? And I might be getting engaged. Might."

"Like you said, she hasn't run screaming yet."

"Thanks for that vote of confidence-multiple divorce man."

"Good luck, where are you going now?"

"Clinic."

"Isn't it almost time for General Hospital," Wilson asked not so innocently.

House's half smile fell, "It is? Somebody is going down."

The elevator stopped and he got up from the wheelchair and hurriedly limped over to the clinic. Wilson smiled happily and then a little mischievously. Everything was going according to plan.

Behind him, he could hear Greg in one of his fits.

"What do you mean the TV is broken, this is a hospital, what if some poor sick kid wants to watch the Muppets or something."

"House, just get done with your work, you have an hour and then you can go watch TV in your office," Cuddy pointed forcefully at the only open exam room.

Scowling, House grabbed the stack of charts and called off the first name. Rushing through them-hey they were all colds, he kept trying to figure out what was niggling at the back of his mind.

After an hour of mindless exams, he shot out of the clinic and chuckled, "I should have guessed."

Leg acting up a bit more because of his irritation, House made it all the way upstairs before recalling his girlfriend wasn't there. House winced as he made his way down the hall. Frowning at the bright rainbow arch, he stalked into the waiting room.

"Looking for my girlfriend, she's just a bit taller than you munchkins-really hot?"

At the blank looks, he growled and scanned the glass exam rooms. His girlfriend was smiling and laughing with some guy. Not a good sight.

Slamming open the door he ignored the onlookers, "So, what disease does he have, giant-ism, 'cause he doesn't look like any kid I've ever seen."

The other doctor scowled, and Buffy laughed, "Hey, what's up?"

"What's up, I was looking for my ever loving girlfriend-who just happens to be a scheming genius."

The doctor swallowed nervously, everyone in the hospitable knew House, and everybody knew not to cross him.

"Thank you, Ms. Summers for your help today. I should go, patients to see."

Jane hurried out the door and Buffy turned and gently smacked Greg on the shoulder, "You went and scared him. He was cute. Like a bunny rabbit."

"He was flirting with you," Greg scowled.

"Aww, are you jealous?"

Buffy leaned into him, smiling, "No," he frowned.

"I think you are, and it's hot."

House leaned down and breathed in her ear, "And I think you helped in some plot to keep me from watching General Hospital."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," smiling Buffy danced away from him and out of the children's ward, waiting for Greg to follow. He caught up to her at the elevator.

Inside he trapped her against the back wall, "Oh, but I think you do know."

Trying to hide her smile she buried her face in his chest, "Maybe."

Chin on the top of her head House grinned, not really upset surprisingly, "What was that, I didn't hear you."

"I taped it. We can watch when we get home."

"Fine, but you owe me. I want the names of your conspirators, and I need my new bottle of vicodin, my office, five minutes."

Taking off towards his office, Buffy spun and headed towards the in-hospital pharmacy. Smiling she took the offered paper bag and headed towards the office. It was nice to have somebody to lean on, literally and figuratively.

Pushing the door open Buffy shook the bag and let the pills rattle.

House smiled and patted the empty spot next to her on the couch, dropping down next to the scruffy man she smiled and leaned into his warmth.

Wrapping an arm around her thin shoulder, House pulled her down and against him, "Two please."

Reaching inside the bag, Buffy grabbed the plastic bottle filled with white vicodin. Twisting the cap off with a little bit of effort she shook the bottle onto her palm. Several more than two fell out and Buffy twisted her fingers to put the extra away when her fingers hit cold metal.

Stopping she peered down at her palm and froze. A gold band with a shiny diamond attached. Breathing stopped, she didn't dare look up at House. His nimble fingers plucked the ring and the two vicodin from her palm. Swallowing the pills he contemplated the ring between his thumb and forefinger.

"Your going to make me say it aren't you?"

She couldn't say anything.

Pulling her around a bit to face him, House leaned in and breathed against her lips, "How do you feel about being stuck with me forever?"

"Even after today?"

"Especially after today, any wife of mine will have to be able to keep up with me"

Letting a smile pull her lips upward Buffy nodded, "Forever sounds good, too short if you ask me."

Taking her hand he slid the ring down her finger and covered her lips with his. The Slayer responded happily, tiny pearl drop tears trailing down her cheeks. Laughing at her girly moment, Buffy wrapped her arms around her boyfriend turned fiancé and breathed deeply. This was something she never imagined would happen, after a while, she stopped hoping altogether.

House smiled, truly happy, keeping their hands locked together, "You do realize that Wilson is going to give a speech, and he's going to cry-like a woman."

Buffy smirked, "That's why I'm dating the James Bond of doctors."

"Engaged."

"Yeah."

It was silent for a moment and then Greg winced as he inhaled, "You're going to meet my parents-my parents will come here-can we elope?"

"And cheat Wilson out being the best man-of going to a wedding he knows won't end with him and divorce papers, sorry, you and I are going to walk down an aisle and dance to some horrible music and then go home and watch General Hospital."

House smiled, "My kind of woman."

The End

* * *

So that was the end of the first one. Yeah, I know it has been a while. I finished this one year after I started-funny.

There will be a sequel following some of the plot of last season so any reviews or plot ideas please send my way. I have a basic outline, but I really like encouragement.

Oh, I went back and changed the fact that I said Stacy and House were married-it is now correct in saying they didn't.

Please review! Need any feedback!


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